Our grandchildren get to do things we never had the opportunity to do. Even our children didn't have those opportunities.
When I was a child, families were about eating meals together, kids going to school or playing and parents--well, just were parents. Maybe families with more resources than we had went on elaborate vacations, but most of the people we knew visited relatives on their vacations. My great-grandparents had a farm, but all I remember about it was a chicken pen that my little brother, in his white suit investigated.(Why in the world did my mother dress a two-year old in white?)
We took rare vacations with our girls. I remember a trip to Six Flags in Dallas, a camping trip in the Gila Wilderness and a vacation to the beach in Galveston. Other than that, our family visited relatives, our kids went to school and played and we were just parents. We had lots of neighborhood get-togethers and holidays with family.
Today's kids have so many more opportunities. Jaiden has been to a farm, stuck her hand in a goat's mouth (I still haven't done that!), watched a horse being shoed (I haven't seen that), been on a Disney cruise (I was almost 70 before I went on a cruise)and a myriad of other adventures. Our five Leachman grands take trips with their parents and friends to elaborate water parks and have been on numerous vacations to Disneyland, San Diego and places I didn't visit until I was an adult.
Taylor in Las Vegas went skiing and to Hawaii before he was ten years old. Maybe earlier than that. Our California grands who are teenagers traveled with us to London, Paris and Dublin.
The world is smaller and the opportunites greater today. Yet, I imagine there are families now who don't go on vacations with their kids, who don't take them to farms and theme parks or camping. They may not eat meals together either.
Is it because those activities didn't exist until the recent present? Or is it because kids have become more a part of the family's life than they were in the past?
Ideas change. Maybe, in this fast-moving, computer age world it takes more to interest kids. All that is fine with me. I just want to see our kids come out of childhood with good values. Those values can't be learned in theme parks, but they can be taught there if their parents are willing. In fact, they can be taught wherever the family goes.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Ignore Your Children
When I was a child, I was ignored. Not neglected. Ignored.
Lest you think "Poor thing" let me assure you, it was the best thing my parents could have done for me. By ignoring me, I was free to do my own thing without adults hovering neurotically over me, making sure everything in my life was perfect and meaningful moment to moment.
One of the problems in a majority of American children today is that they have never experienced the benefits and blessings of being ignored: therefore, they don't know that being ignored is preferable to being the center of attention.
When children are constantly the center of attention in their families from day one, they learn that being in that center is essential to their well-being. They can't tolerate being ignored. Therefore, they clamor for attention by being boisterous, interrupting conversations, pouting, screaming, kicking and the like. Then the adult hovers over them asking, "Is everything all right?"
When I was growing up, and when I raised my girls, children weren't given a lot of attention, and they weren't expected to attract attention to themselves. That's liberating to a child, no matter what many of today's parents might think. Parents that don't allow their children the benefits of being ignored have allowed themselves to be victimized by psychobabble that tells them they must do all they can for their children so the kids don't suffer psychological distress.
The real harm comes when the child gets too much attention. The distress comes when the kids suddenly discover they aren't the center of attention in the real world. The harm comes to the parent who never has time for herself/himself. No reading a book. No sitting quietly enjoying a cup of tea or coffee. No puttering alone in the garden contemplating God and nature. No taking a short power nap on the sofa. The distress comes when the parent realizes they've created a monster out of that precious baby and the kid grows up to be an incorrigible demanding teenager.
I thank my parents for letting me have the freedom to be alone, to know I don't need someone hovering over me fulfilling my every need every moment I'm awake, for letting me learn what it means to fail and still be able to function--and for all those years I pretended with my dolls. I don't know what my mother was doing when I was lost in my world of make-believe, but I know this. We were both better off.
Lest you think "Poor thing" let me assure you, it was the best thing my parents could have done for me. By ignoring me, I was free to do my own thing without adults hovering neurotically over me, making sure everything in my life was perfect and meaningful moment to moment.
One of the problems in a majority of American children today is that they have never experienced the benefits and blessings of being ignored: therefore, they don't know that being ignored is preferable to being the center of attention.
When children are constantly the center of attention in their families from day one, they learn that being in that center is essential to their well-being. They can't tolerate being ignored. Therefore, they clamor for attention by being boisterous, interrupting conversations, pouting, screaming, kicking and the like. Then the adult hovers over them asking, "Is everything all right?"
When I was growing up, and when I raised my girls, children weren't given a lot of attention, and they weren't expected to attract attention to themselves. That's liberating to a child, no matter what many of today's parents might think. Parents that don't allow their children the benefits of being ignored have allowed themselves to be victimized by psychobabble that tells them they must do all they can for their children so the kids don't suffer psychological distress.
The real harm comes when the child gets too much attention. The distress comes when the kids suddenly discover they aren't the center of attention in the real world. The harm comes to the parent who never has time for herself/himself. No reading a book. No sitting quietly enjoying a cup of tea or coffee. No puttering alone in the garden contemplating God and nature. No taking a short power nap on the sofa. The distress comes when the parent realizes they've created a monster out of that precious baby and the kid grows up to be an incorrigible demanding teenager.
I thank my parents for letting me have the freedom to be alone, to know I don't need someone hovering over me fulfilling my every need every moment I'm awake, for letting me learn what it means to fail and still be able to function--and for all those years I pretended with my dolls. I don't know what my mother was doing when I was lost in my world of make-believe, but I know this. We were both better off.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Good News
A lot has been happening at our church lately.
Since last March we've been looking for a new pulpit minister. After careful consideration by many people, including the entire congregation, a new man has been called. I voted for this man.
I prayed, as did many others, and although the man doesn't have the most powerful vocal delivery, what I saw and heard from him was humility, unconditional love and a deep spirituality. My prayer is that our congregation can ingest those qualities and grow into the image of Christ.
At church Sunday morning all the children brought blankets to the front of the sanctuary. The blankets will be given to needy families. They stayed and sang with the congregation. And sang they did. Being in a church with no musical instruments I've noticed young people singing more than when I attended churches with pianos, bands and organs. These same kids were in a Christmas program before church the week before. With the help of the praise team humming in the background, they sounded like pros.
We had a Christmas program last night. A choir, a family sharing from the scriptures and several young and old people signing a beautiful four part carol. What looked like months of practice by the man, his wife and their young daughter, Brooke, turned out, they said, to be quickly put together and unrehearsed. The mom would speak and ask the daughter questions--the same with the father. Every answer the child gave was perfect. Although they didn't rehearse these scenes, it was evident they have taught their daughter well. At her young age she knows the reason for Christmas.
After church we went to our son's house for our Christmas with them. Their four year old knows the answer to "What is the good news?" Pierce's answer: "Jesus is the son of God!"
Pierce and Brooke have it right. They have been taught the real reason we celebrate this holiday. Thank you parents for bringing up your kids in the Truth. I pray that our new minister will help us older ones grow in that Truth, too.
Since last March we've been looking for a new pulpit minister. After careful consideration by many people, including the entire congregation, a new man has been called. I voted for this man.
I prayed, as did many others, and although the man doesn't have the most powerful vocal delivery, what I saw and heard from him was humility, unconditional love and a deep spirituality. My prayer is that our congregation can ingest those qualities and grow into the image of Christ.
At church Sunday morning all the children brought blankets to the front of the sanctuary. The blankets will be given to needy families. They stayed and sang with the congregation. And sang they did. Being in a church with no musical instruments I've noticed young people singing more than when I attended churches with pianos, bands and organs. These same kids were in a Christmas program before church the week before. With the help of the praise team humming in the background, they sounded like pros.
We had a Christmas program last night. A choir, a family sharing from the scriptures and several young and old people signing a beautiful four part carol. What looked like months of practice by the man, his wife and their young daughter, Brooke, turned out, they said, to be quickly put together and unrehearsed. The mom would speak and ask the daughter questions--the same with the father. Every answer the child gave was perfect. Although they didn't rehearse these scenes, it was evident they have taught their daughter well. At her young age she knows the reason for Christmas.
After church we went to our son's house for our Christmas with them. Their four year old knows the answer to "What is the good news?" Pierce's answer: "Jesus is the son of God!"
Pierce and Brooke have it right. They have been taught the real reason we celebrate this holiday. Thank you parents for bringing up your kids in the Truth. I pray that our new minister will help us older ones grow in that Truth, too.
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