It's All About Love

I haven't blogged in several days although something has been rolling around in my spirit. I spent yesterday writing and woke up this morning realizing I'd made a big mistake in Copper Penny. I've made some drastic changes to that novel and need to make more. Lying in bed I decided I'd just let it go. If someone buys it, then I'll face making those changes again. This is a small thing in the scheme of life.

One of our close friends is facing cancer treatment. She, her husband and my husband and I had dinner one day last week. We prayed together on the sidewalk of a busy shopping center before saying good-bye. When I hugged her, I wanted to say what I was feeling, but that feeling surprised me so much I didn't. That feeling is what has been going around in my spirit.

I wanted to say, "I wish I could take this for you." Even as I write it, tears come to my eyes because I really feel strongly that I would take it for her if I could. The only other person I've ever felt this for is one of my daughters, and that's only if she had to face something hard, which she hasn't so far. I'd rather it happen to me than to her.

I've been talking to God about all this since that day at the shopping center. Would I really carry it for her? I can't get away from the answer. Yes. I would if I could. In the beginning I wondered if it was because I thought I could do it better than she can. But she's strong. She's been through some serious heartbreak that only made her stronger. I know she can get through this with grace. So why?

What I believe God is showing me is how he felt about mankind. He hurt because we were suffering and knew he was the only answer. He came to earth as a man and saved us. His sacrifice was all about love and redemption.

As I tried to put all this together I came to a conclusion. I'm not God. Duh!
He did it for people who didn't deserve it. I couldn't do it if I thought the person had brought the suffering on himself. I couldn't do it for a rapist or a murderer or even a homeless person. As I let my mind run through all the people I know--all the ones I love, only these two stood out. I could do it for them but not the others. I'm big into justice. I believe we reap what we sow. I've sowed and God has saved me in spite of that. But with others who have reaped and they are sowing--well, justice says they deserve it. Pretty callous thinking and not a bit of grace and love and mercy there.

So, you can see I'm not that altruistic. In fact, I, like so many people, am self-centered. Until it comes to my friend and my daughter. For them I'd give my life and give it willingly if it would keep them from having to suffer. I don't know what all this means. I just know what I feel.

Thanks for the Memories.....

It's been awhile since I've had time to do anything on the computer. The past few days went by so fast--much too fast when you're surrounded by people you love.

Both my daughters and their families came the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The star of the show was fourteen month old Amiyah, of course. Reid's son, Joe, and his family were in town, too, so we got to see them and their two year old, Jaiden. Love those little girls!

We had dinner for 16 at our house Thursday. Ate and watched football--a typical Thanksgiving for my family. I don't think Reid's family is as sports conscious as mine always was. But I've converted him, and he likes to watch as much as the rest of us.

Everyone was gone by nine-thirty yesterday morning. We dragged around all day cleaning the house, doing laundry and putting the house back the way it was. Quiet. Empty except for the two of us. We sent as much of the food as possible home with everyone, so there's not much of that left either.

I remember the years we spent driving from Amarillo (Lubbock, Plainview and El Paso) to my grandparent's home in Memphis, Texas, on Christmas Eve. Family in every nook and cranny of their house. I never thought about how empty the house must have seemed after we all left after Christmas. Maybe Mamaw was glad to get her house back in order, but maybe it seemed too quiet.

Good memories. Bittersweet--just like these past few days. We'll look at the pictures and remember the precious granddaughter and great granddaughter, and wish we could be with them every day to see them grow and change.

Better go before I start bawling.

A Perfect World

After writing the blog this morning, I talked to my daughter. For the first time in months she and I were able to communicate. I was right, and she is hurting, but she let me be "mom" and tell her how much I love her and try to give her some comfort. Her situation, as well as her son's, is serious right now. I'm not hiding my head in the sand this time. I'm talking to the One who can make good come out of all of this.

We don't realize that the actions we take don't just affect us. It would be different if we lived in a vacuum. We're tied to others by blood and by love. Whatever we do reaches out and grabs hold of other people--especially the people who love us. Whether it's something wonderful, like the wedding we're going to this week end, or a failed marriage, an addiction, a crime--if it's someone we love involved, we rejoice or suffer with them.

In a perfect world everyone of us would be thinking of what our actions will do to others rather than fulfilling our desires at the moment. Some day we'll live in that perfect world, and then it won't even matter. We'll just love each other.

Boy! Am I looking forward to that!