I'll Just Hold On and Enjoy What I Have

It has been months since I've written anything here. Soon after the last blog entry I started an exercise/health/nutrition program and it's taken all my energy and time to lose the 20+ pounds to date.

I go to strength training twice a week and walk daily. I eat a balanced diet of protein and carbs 5 times a day. At least, most of the time I eat right. I do tend to add something "fun" once in a while and that keeps the weight from dropping like my trainer wants it to. I'll finish just before Thanksgiving and hope to be able to keep my eyes on the goal during the holidays.

So, what have I learned during this time?
1. I can do something if I really want to.
2. When I pray for God to help me (lose weight), He answers.
3. Take advantage of His answers.

Since last June we have had some other major changes in our lives besides the health program. Our oldest daughter came to live with us. That has been good and has added to our busi-ness. I have added the first two books of a Detective Joe Denali trilogy to Amazon Kindle. They are books I had written a few years ago but had been rejected as "good but not great" by an agent. I made them available for $.99 and have sold quite a few along with a few more of my first book. (They are on Amazon under the name Barbara Leachman.)
I have the third in the detective trilogy partly written.

I'm also in the midst of writing an inspirational historical fiction novel set during the Revolutionary War. And I have a memoir almost completed. But I'm stumped. Not writer's block. Time to sit and think and write.

Once again I'm talking to God about all this. Daughter needs a job, we need God's help in keeping our relationship from getting messed up (Isn't that always a prayer about someone we love?), and time to write while thanking Him for giving us all the time we have had to work on our outer bodies. Now it's time to look again at our inner souls.

Fall is the most beautiful time of the year in New Mexico. We live near the river. The cottonwoods are a brilliant gold, the sky a cloudless deep blue and the air crisp and cool. Yesterday morning we walked for an hour in the bosque. We saw mallards and their mates swimming and feeding the water, Sandhill cranes and geese flying overhead. Soon they will be migrating here for the winter and feeding in the open space fields. We'll be able to see them every day. I love it!

All this beauty and blessings makes it hard to ask for anything. More than asking is thanking and contemplating and knowing that God is in control. The most comfort a person can have is to realize God's love and his soverignity. The world may turn upside-down, but He never will. I believe I'll just hold on to that and enjoy life.

Gifts

You have a gift. I have a gift. Are we using our gifts?

I've known for years of a gift God gave me, and for a long time I've wanted to use it. But I'm not. I've talked to God about this a lot but didn't receive an answer until yesterday.

Many years ago I painted. Due to circumstances I stopped painting. A few years ago I tried to paint again. Nothing! The "Painting Grace" was gone.
I started writing fiction. I wrote and published a novel. I wrote 2 1/2 more novels and stopped for two reasons. One, we sold our house and moved and then I had knee surgery. All from December through the summer. The second reason: an agent told me my work was good but not great.

During those months when circumstances and stress closed down the "Writing Grace," I learned so much. Mostly about God and His care for me. Somehow I was able to let Him carry everything.

I have begun a new novel and it's a hard one. Hard because it's historical fiction based on real events and real people. I'm not sure I can write this. If I do, I will have to have a double portion of "Writing Grace."

So what did I learn about my gift?

Character has to be matured before the gift can be used. Moses had a gift from God. He tried to use it too soon. When God eventually came to him and told him it was time to use that gift, Moses didn't want to any longer. But he did--and how? With the power and grace of God.

I'm not using my gift and it's all right because I know I'm not ready. The time will come and when it does, I won't even care any longer because I'll know it is not me but God through me bringing forth His gifting.

Same with this new novel. If it happens, it will be because of Him, not me. And I won't care either way. Now that's rest.

Still Working On "Copper Penny"

For the last week I've been making changes to "Copper Penny"--and I thought I was finished! I sent the first 55 pages to Melody Groves, a local published author, to critique. For the most part she said it was good, but one of the first scenes where I introduce the three main characters, she called "painful." Ouch!

When she explained it to me, I can see it. But changing it means I have to totally change that scene and search through the book to be sure I delete some threads that come from it. Fortunately I've dropped out of Critique group #3 and only have group #1 to attend every other week. I'm submitting pages from "Plugged Nickel" to them, but I'm far enough ahead that all I have to do is read over about 10 or 12 pages and give that to them.

When I wrote "Bobby Mac", it took me seven years of making numerous changes, adding characters and scenes until I had a book of over 300 pages. I didn't think my second book would take so long, but it may. I think I've been on this one for about 2 years now. If I ever get a publisher and they want a book a year, I'm in trouble.

With Melody's help, maybe Penny will be ready soon. And should I live long enough, I might get "Plugged Nickel" written, too!

Just Trust

Life has been so full lately that I haven't had a chance to do any writing--not on my blog--not on either of my novels. I barely have a chance to read a little before going to sleep at night. Some people call the "thing" inside of a writer a muse. This muse helps the writer write. Well, my muse is frustrated. She has something to say--no, she has a lot to say--and wishes I'd give her the chance.

Last Wednesday I went to a critique meeting, and I have another one this coming Saturday. At the Wednesday one my writing partners made many suggestions about changes I need to make in novel #2. Before I go to the next meeting on Saturday I need to make those changes. I want to continue editing novel #1 and go forward in #2. I left my main character in #2 in a major crises, and I'm sure he's anxious for me to help him work it out. Little does he know, but his troubles are just beginning. I'm taking a class on Monday nights about getting published. The two teachers will read my synopsis and query letter and let me know if I have them right. I need time to get them ready to be read.

Reid's son, Andy, and his family came Friday to stay until in the morning. But they had major car trouble and can't leave until it's fixed. Our preacher will be here Thursday to stay over the week end. Hopefully they don't overlap or else somebody's going to be crowded in that king-sized bed!

Saturday we spent the entire day at an Irish dance competition. I started to write about it but decided there were more pressing issues. One of those issues is my busy life that's keeping me from doing what I think I need to be doing. Since I'm having trouble going to sleep tonight, I thought it a good time to write.

In the book I've been reading these sentences jumped out at me tonight. "It would seem to me that trusting God allows him to do whatever he desires. If I focus that trust on a specific outcome, then I am only trying to manipulate him." "Growing in trust allows us to walk with God through our concerns and disappointments, knowing he has something else in mind than we have thought."

In our class on Hebrews today, our teacher reminded us that we are souls living in bodies. In reality we are seated with Christ in heavenly places. Worship is not the hour or two on Sunday morning we spend inside a building. Everything we do is worship.

Therefore, right now I am walking with God. If he wanted me to be somewhere else, that's where I'd be. If I was supposed to be writing, I'd be writing. What I'm doing is relationship and hospitality and worship. I believe with all my heart that's what's important to him. The synopsis and query and writing will happen when it happens. I believe that's what trust is all about.

Life is Like a Novel

My brother thinks I can write a blog a day because I have so much going on in my mind. I do have a lot going on in my mind, but I can't put all of it down in writing. Nobody wants to hear all that noise!

I read another blog this morning written by a critique partner who is on her second novel, just as I am. She talked about how the "ghost" novel is forming in her head. She keeps going forward although she knows she will have to go back and re-write the beginning chapters to match the ones she's on now.

Novel #1 in my Detective Joe Denali series has been written for some time. However, as I write #2 in the series, I see where I will have to go back and re-write some scenes in #1 to give them more punch. For instance, the female protagonist in #1 will no longer be blonde but will have red hair. By making that change I can have a much shorter title for the book.

Life is like our novels. We keep going forward and wishing we could go back and re-write/edit what has come before. We can't make those changes, but what we can do is make the changes today so we don't repeat the mistakes we made in the past.

I'm taking a Beth Moore Bible class at the church. It's on the book of Esther. Beth's subtitle is "It's Tough Being a Woman." I've only had two lessons and already I'm seeing some character traits I don't like in myself. I can't change what those traits meant to my past but, God help me, it isn't too late to change them now!

When I say "God help me!", that's exactly what I mean. Without some BIG outside help, those characteristics will continue to plague me just as they have all these years.

Brother Jim, don't ask me what they are because I won't tell you. I won't tell anyone else either.