It has been months since I've written anything here. Soon after the last blog entry I started an exercise/health/nutrition program and it's taken all my energy and time to lose the 20+ pounds to date.
I go to strength training twice a week and walk daily. I eat a balanced diet of protein and carbs 5 times a day. At least, most of the time I eat right. I do tend to add something "fun" once in a while and that keeps the weight from dropping like my trainer wants it to. I'll finish just before Thanksgiving and hope to be able to keep my eyes on the goal during the holidays.
So, what have I learned during this time?
1. I can do something if I really want to.
2. When I pray for God to help me (lose weight), He answers.
3. Take advantage of His answers.
Since last June we have had some other major changes in our lives besides the health program. Our oldest daughter came to live with us. That has been good and has added to our busi-ness. I have added the first two books of a Detective Joe Denali trilogy to Amazon Kindle. They are books I had written a few years ago but had been rejected as "good but not great" by an agent. I made them available for $.99 and have sold quite a few along with a few more of my first book. (They are on Amazon under the name Barbara Leachman.)
I have the third in the detective trilogy partly written.
I'm also in the midst of writing an inspirational historical fiction novel set during the Revolutionary War. And I have a memoir almost completed. But I'm stumped. Not writer's block. Time to sit and think and write.
Once again I'm talking to God about all this. Daughter needs a job, we need God's help in keeping our relationship from getting messed up (Isn't that always a prayer about someone we love?), and time to write while thanking Him for giving us all the time we have had to work on our outer bodies. Now it's time to look again at our inner souls.
Fall is the most beautiful time of the year in New Mexico. We live near the river. The cottonwoods are a brilliant gold, the sky a cloudless deep blue and the air crisp and cool. Yesterday morning we walked for an hour in the bosque. We saw mallards and their mates swimming and feeding the water, Sandhill cranes and geese flying overhead. Soon they will be migrating here for the winter and feeding in the open space fields. We'll be able to see them every day. I love it!
All this beauty and blessings makes it hard to ask for anything. More than asking is thanking and contemplating and knowing that God is in control. The most comfort a person can have is to realize God's love and his soverignity. The world may turn upside-down, but He never will. I believe I'll just hold on to that and enjoy life.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
I'm Listening Again and He's Still Talking
How long has it been? Weeks? Months? Even years?
This past week I talked with God. I told Him I hadn't heard from Him in a long time. I talk to Him all the time, but in the past, I've heard Him talk to me, too.
All that changed about a year and a half ago.
First we worked on selling our house. Then we looked for a place to live. We moved into an apartment for a month and I ate myself into 40 extra pounds as I limped along on a painful bone-on-bone knee. Then I had knee surgery. I rehabbed the knee. Different family company came over the span of a few months. We were out of town for month with my brother's wife dying. And just this past May my oldest daughter was here for three weeks.
In between all this, I started a new novel that requires a lot of research. I've read numerous books. We've gone out to eat with friends. (Very important.) And watched Survivor and American Idol. (Not so important but fun.)
Somehow Jesus got pushed to the side and I missed Him. I have seen His work in our lives, but that one-on-one fellowship was missing. So I sat down with Him and He talked while I listened. I learned something important. He didn't ever leave. In fact, He told me He's had His hand on my shoulder the entire time.
We're talking again. Well, I've been talking all along, but I just haven't been listening. Jesus is always ready to talk if we'll slow down enough to hear Him.
I'm listening more now and I've found out He missed me as much as I missed Him.
This past week I talked with God. I told Him I hadn't heard from Him in a long time. I talk to Him all the time, but in the past, I've heard Him talk to me, too.
All that changed about a year and a half ago.
First we worked on selling our house. Then we looked for a place to live. We moved into an apartment for a month and I ate myself into 40 extra pounds as I limped along on a painful bone-on-bone knee. Then I had knee surgery. I rehabbed the knee. Different family company came over the span of a few months. We were out of town for month with my brother's wife dying. And just this past May my oldest daughter was here for three weeks.
In between all this, I started a new novel that requires a lot of research. I've read numerous books. We've gone out to eat with friends. (Very important.) And watched Survivor and American Idol. (Not so important but fun.)
Somehow Jesus got pushed to the side and I missed Him. I have seen His work in our lives, but that one-on-one fellowship was missing. So I sat down with Him and He talked while I listened. I learned something important. He didn't ever leave. In fact, He told me He's had His hand on my shoulder the entire time.
We're talking again. Well, I've been talking all along, but I just haven't been listening. Jesus is always ready to talk if we'll slow down enough to hear Him.
I'm listening more now and I've found out He missed me as much as I missed Him.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
How Do You Refuel?
Are you the personality type who gets energy from being with people? Or are you the type who needs alone time because being with people drains your energy?
I'm the latter. For over a month now I've been with people all the time. I haven't had a moment alone. Being alone doesn't mean being in a room alone when there are other people in the house. Being alone means not having anyone around you have to interact with.
The past month was definitely stressful, emotionally and physically. But we've been home a few days now and I'm still exhausted because I haven't had any alone time.
Many years ago my daughter and grandson came to live with us. I taught school and came home utterly worn out from being around mid schoolers and teachers. My mother was in a nursing home and I visited her after school many days. The house was full in the evening and I didn't even have an empty room where I could be alone. Many Saturdays or Sundays I would get in my van and drive to a parking lot near our house and just be there--in the van--alone.
Another way I can refill my energy tank is to walk around a mall; go into shops, look around and probably never buy anything. Although there are people, I don't have to interact with them. That's probably what I will do tomorrow after church. I'll just go to the mall alone.
How do you refuel? Or do you ever need to?
I'm the latter. For over a month now I've been with people all the time. I haven't had a moment alone. Being alone doesn't mean being in a room alone when there are other people in the house. Being alone means not having anyone around you have to interact with.
The past month was definitely stressful, emotionally and physically. But we've been home a few days now and I'm still exhausted because I haven't had any alone time.
Many years ago my daughter and grandson came to live with us. I taught school and came home utterly worn out from being around mid schoolers and teachers. My mother was in a nursing home and I visited her after school many days. The house was full in the evening and I didn't even have an empty room where I could be alone. Many Saturdays or Sundays I would get in my van and drive to a parking lot near our house and just be there--in the van--alone.
Another way I can refill my energy tank is to walk around a mall; go into shops, look around and probably never buy anything. Although there are people, I don't have to interact with them. That's probably what I will do tomorrow after church. I'll just go to the mall alone.
How do you refuel? Or do you ever need to?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Thoughts
I couldn't go right to sleep last night. I don't know if it was because I ate some sugar too late or because my mind was on a rampage.
I thought about all I had to do today after being gone from home most of a month. I kept seeing Estella alive doing all the things I've seen her do: laundry, eating, helping Jim, playing cards, just sitting and talking. I'd see her as I remember her those last weeks. Mostly, it was when she was alive.
I've lost several family members and good friends. It's such an odd feeling knowing they were once here on earth and now they aren't. And life just goes on without them. It doesn't seem right.
I have a picture of balloons as wallpaper on my desktop. It's one I took when they were here last October. We parked in the handicapped area and were able to see the balloons. In the past they were down on the field but now they are also near the parking area where they inflate. I remember how much they both liked watching them.
Three and a half years ago they came for the Balloon Fiesta. The weather was awful and they didn't see anything at all. When they went home, she had cancer. The same thing happened this time. She went in for a regular check and they found it in her chest wall. Later they discovered it was all in her bronchials and gave her 2 to 3 weeks. She died 3 weeks and a day later.
When I was lying awake last night and not thinking about the things I mentioned above, I wrote a great blog. I didn't get up and make notes and have no idea what it was about, but I promise you--it was one of my best.
Maybe some day it will come back to me.
I thought about all I had to do today after being gone from home most of a month. I kept seeing Estella alive doing all the things I've seen her do: laundry, eating, helping Jim, playing cards, just sitting and talking. I'd see her as I remember her those last weeks. Mostly, it was when she was alive.
I've lost several family members and good friends. It's such an odd feeling knowing they were once here on earth and now they aren't. And life just goes on without them. It doesn't seem right.
I have a picture of balloons as wallpaper on my desktop. It's one I took when they were here last October. We parked in the handicapped area and were able to see the balloons. In the past they were down on the field but now they are also near the parking area where they inflate. I remember how much they both liked watching them.
Three and a half years ago they came for the Balloon Fiesta. The weather was awful and they didn't see anything at all. When they went home, she had cancer. The same thing happened this time. She went in for a regular check and they found it in her chest wall. Later they discovered it was all in her bronchials and gave her 2 to 3 weeks. She died 3 weeks and a day later.
When I was lying awake last night and not thinking about the things I mentioned above, I wrote a great blog. I didn't get up and make notes and have no idea what it was about, but I promise you--it was one of my best.
Maybe some day it will come back to me.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
What's In My Own Heart?
Why are people so quick to judge what is in another person's heart?
Why do we think we know what someone was thinking when he or she does something we don't approve of?
Why can't we leave all that to God and love people the way they are?
Why not pray for them instead?
Maybe it would be better if we looked at ourselves instead of wanting everyone else to be perfect--as perfect as we see outselves.
I'm sure we've all heard someone murder another person with words then admit they aren't perfect either. I've probably done that myself.
No, none of us is perfect. For that reason Jesus suggested we love our enemies and let God be the judge. I say He suggested it. It was more than that. In fact, it was a command.
Loving isn't about judging.
Yes, I know we can make judgements but isn't that the same as judging?
I can make a judgement that my friend's husband isn't as nice to her as
he should be. Haven't I made a judgement about their marriage that's none
of my business?
How about if I have an addiction to chocolate or soft drinks and judge someone else's addiction to tobacco. What's the difference? What if I'm obese and make a judgement about what some small, pretty teenager wears?
The past weeks have made changes in me that I hope stick.
My heart is heavy right now because of the judgements that have been made
about someone I love.
God, help us to look into our own hearts before we try to determine
what is in someone else's.
Why do we think we know what someone was thinking when he or she does something we don't approve of?
Why can't we leave all that to God and love people the way they are?
Why not pray for them instead?
Maybe it would be better if we looked at ourselves instead of wanting everyone else to be perfect--as perfect as we see outselves.
I'm sure we've all heard someone murder another person with words then admit they aren't perfect either. I've probably done that myself.
No, none of us is perfect. For that reason Jesus suggested we love our enemies and let God be the judge. I say He suggested it. It was more than that. In fact, it was a command.
Loving isn't about judging.
Yes, I know we can make judgements but isn't that the same as judging?
I can make a judgement that my friend's husband isn't as nice to her as
he should be. Haven't I made a judgement about their marriage that's none
of my business?
How about if I have an addiction to chocolate or soft drinks and judge someone else's addiction to tobacco. What's the difference? What if I'm obese and make a judgement about what some small, pretty teenager wears?
The past weeks have made changes in me that I hope stick.
My heart is heavy right now because of the judgements that have been made
about someone I love.
God, help us to look into our own hearts before we try to determine
what is in someone else's.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A Good-bye
Last night and today have been celebrations. Family and friends have come together to celebrate the life of a precious woman. Of all the people I've ever known, Estella Hale is, or was, the most gentle and kindest. I never heard her say a negative word about anyone. There's a person in the family that everyone says bad things about. I said to Estella, "You've never said anything bad about her." She looked surprised and answered, "Why would I?"
That's the kind of person she was. She loved unconditionally. She loved my brother that way. Her way of telling him in a crowd that he'd said enough was a gentle tap on his shoulder. Otherwise, she would just roll her eyes.
I've heard it said that the good die young. Is that because they've grown in the Lord as much as they need to? If that's true, then those of us over 65 must still have much to learn.
The sky has been cloudy and the wind cold. The day Estella died snow covered the ground. It was beautiful-like God purifying the earth. Today tears have fallen from the sky in the form of rain. Those were our tears of sadness and loss but they were tears of gladness from the Father because He had another of His beloved children with Him.
I don't fully understand death even though the Bible tells us over and over that we must die and tht Jesus has overcome death for us. All I know is that Estella will be missed by her 9 brothers and sisters, her 13 grandchildren, her 4 children and her husband. She will be missed by in- laws and friends. From this experience I have learned that what we take with us and what we leave behind are both the same: what is in our hearts. That is all that really matters. Estella left her clothing, her momentos, hher collections, her Bible, her shoes, her jewelry--all those things we gather to us while we are alive. She took the love for Jesus and her family and the goodness of her heart and presented them to the Lord.
What will I present to Him? Maybe that's why I'm still here. My gift isn't quite ready yet. I pray He will make me more ready so when I leave this earth I have something precious to offer Him.
A few days ago, as I thought along these lines, I asked God if He is ever going to finish His work in me. It doesn't seem like I'm going to get where I want to go. I haven't heard an answer yet so I'll just keep pushing ahead.
One of my daughters wrote a text message saying, "I can see Grandma welcoming Estella into Heaven." I don't know what it will be like, but I know this: Estella wasn't afraid. She was ready. When will I be ready? Not yet, but when the time comes, I hope I have finished my course, just as Paul said. Right now, all I can say is "Good bye, Estella. I miss you."
That's the kind of person she was. She loved unconditionally. She loved my brother that way. Her way of telling him in a crowd that he'd said enough was a gentle tap on his shoulder. Otherwise, she would just roll her eyes.
I've heard it said that the good die young. Is that because they've grown in the Lord as much as they need to? If that's true, then those of us over 65 must still have much to learn.
The sky has been cloudy and the wind cold. The day Estella died snow covered the ground. It was beautiful-like God purifying the earth. Today tears have fallen from the sky in the form of rain. Those were our tears of sadness and loss but they were tears of gladness from the Father because He had another of His beloved children with Him.
I don't fully understand death even though the Bible tells us over and over that we must die and tht Jesus has overcome death for us. All I know is that Estella will be missed by her 9 brothers and sisters, her 13 grandchildren, her 4 children and her husband. She will be missed by in- laws and friends. From this experience I have learned that what we take with us and what we leave behind are both the same: what is in our hearts. That is all that really matters. Estella left her clothing, her momentos, hher collections, her Bible, her shoes, her jewelry--all those things we gather to us while we are alive. She took the love for Jesus and her family and the goodness of her heart and presented them to the Lord.
What will I present to Him? Maybe that's why I'm still here. My gift isn't quite ready yet. I pray He will make me more ready so when I leave this earth I have something precious to offer Him.
A few days ago, as I thought along these lines, I asked God if He is ever going to finish His work in me. It doesn't seem like I'm going to get where I want to go. I haven't heard an answer yet so I'll just keep pushing ahead.
One of my daughters wrote a text message saying, "I can see Grandma welcoming Estella into Heaven." I don't know what it will be like, but I know this: Estella wasn't afraid. She was ready. When will I be ready? Not yet, but when the time comes, I hope I have finished my course, just as Paul said. Right now, all I can say is "Good bye, Estella. I miss you."
Friday, March 25, 2011
Normal Life
I've been thinking about life--my life, of course. Maybe yours, too.
What is "normal" life?
You go about your business: get up in the morning, eat or drink coffee, read the paper or the Internet on your computer, go to work or if you're retired, do whatever it is we do every day. Have lunch with friends, go to church, write, attend critique meetings, read, watch TV, go to bed.
"Normal life?"
When I was a teenager, then newlywed, then mother--life was "normal." Somewhere along the years things changed. Divorce, deaths of friends, family members, husband--"abnormal." Or is it?
My brother's wife has cancer and she is dying. she has been under hospice care for a few weeks now. She's lived longer than expected--but has she really lived since she heard the news? Have any of us lived who love her and are watching her slowly die?
Death stops life in its tracks--not only for the one dying but for everyone who loves that person--from the husband to the children and grandchildren and to us: sister and brother-in-law. Even to cousins and nephews and nieces.
We all will die. We know that our bodies are preparing us for the inevitable by dying a little every day. But none of us is ready. My brother always joked that he wanted to go first so he didn't have to be the one left. But it isn't happening for him and he is glad. He said he wouldn't want his wife to have to go through what he's going through right now. I feel the same way. I've lost a husband to cancer and my present husband lost his first wife that way. One of us will die before the other one. I hope it isn't me. I don't want my husband to have to go through the grief he went through the first time.
I think I can handle it better than he can?
Who am I kidding?
I'm not sure what one of us would do without the other. We're that close.
We are so close that he finishes my sentences and I hate that. But I like it, too.
We are so close that I feel like he's the other half of my brain when I lose a word or forget where I put something.
Wouldn't it be nice if Jesus would just come back before we have to lose any more people in our lives?
All right. I know you've said that before, too. But chances are it won't happen that way.
That's just one of the things I'm thinking about. The other is "normal life."
I bought a smart phone today and have no idea how to work it. Why did I buy it? Do I need it? Is it too late to take it back?
This phone has so many aps that even smart people have problems working some of them.
I think I bought it because I need something "normal" right now.
I'm reading Rob Bell's new book, "Love Wins." Now that's the real "normal life." The book is about Jesus and what He did and what that means to us. It is all about His love. When I read it, my spirit soars. All this other stuff like death and smart phones mean nothing in the presence of Jesus' love.
I wish I had something profound to say right now, but that's it. Normal life is one that has highs and lows and weird events; quietness and questions; death and unfullfilled desires. It's everything we go through from birth to death.
Bottom line--I don't want to live any kind of life without Jesus.
What is "normal" life?
You go about your business: get up in the morning, eat or drink coffee, read the paper or the Internet on your computer, go to work or if you're retired, do whatever it is we do every day. Have lunch with friends, go to church, write, attend critique meetings, read, watch TV, go to bed.
"Normal life?"
When I was a teenager, then newlywed, then mother--life was "normal." Somewhere along the years things changed. Divorce, deaths of friends, family members, husband--"abnormal." Or is it?
My brother's wife has cancer and she is dying. she has been under hospice care for a few weeks now. She's lived longer than expected--but has she really lived since she heard the news? Have any of us lived who love her and are watching her slowly die?
Death stops life in its tracks--not only for the one dying but for everyone who loves that person--from the husband to the children and grandchildren and to us: sister and brother-in-law. Even to cousins and nephews and nieces.
We all will die. We know that our bodies are preparing us for the inevitable by dying a little every day. But none of us is ready. My brother always joked that he wanted to go first so he didn't have to be the one left. But it isn't happening for him and he is glad. He said he wouldn't want his wife to have to go through what he's going through right now. I feel the same way. I've lost a husband to cancer and my present husband lost his first wife that way. One of us will die before the other one. I hope it isn't me. I don't want my husband to have to go through the grief he went through the first time.
I think I can handle it better than he can?
Who am I kidding?
I'm not sure what one of us would do without the other. We're that close.
We are so close that he finishes my sentences and I hate that. But I like it, too.
We are so close that I feel like he's the other half of my brain when I lose a word or forget where I put something.
Wouldn't it be nice if Jesus would just come back before we have to lose any more people in our lives?
All right. I know you've said that before, too. But chances are it won't happen that way.
That's just one of the things I'm thinking about. The other is "normal life."
I bought a smart phone today and have no idea how to work it. Why did I buy it? Do I need it? Is it too late to take it back?
This phone has so many aps that even smart people have problems working some of them.
I think I bought it because I need something "normal" right now.
I'm reading Rob Bell's new book, "Love Wins." Now that's the real "normal life." The book is about Jesus and what He did and what that means to us. It is all about His love. When I read it, my spirit soars. All this other stuff like death and smart phones mean nothing in the presence of Jesus' love.
I wish I had something profound to say right now, but that's it. Normal life is one that has highs and lows and weird events; quietness and questions; death and unfullfilled desires. It's everything we go through from birth to death.
Bottom line--I don't want to live any kind of life without Jesus.
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