Sunday, September 26, 2010

I'm Off-Balance

The thoughts are coming fast right now. I don't know what's up but I'm going with it.

When I went to bed last night, I had a heaviness to pray, but did I get up and go do it? No. I've had such trouble sleeping lately that I don't want anything to interfere. The days following sleepless nights leave me tired and grumpy. So I stayed in bed and prayed--but it wasn't the same as it would have been if I had gone into another bedroom, gotten down on my knees and prayed. Finally the heaviness left me and I still didn't go to sleep until 2 AM.

I'm so hungry for Jesus right now. I remember having this kind of hunger in 1971 when I met Him for the first time. I spent every free moment praying and reading the Bible. I couldn't get enough.

Although I'm that hungry again there is also a malaise in me. Why bother? I'm stuck in a place where I don't know anyone who believes like I do or talks about spiritual things or desires to pray together in the Spirit or allow the gifts of the Spirit to freely move. I ask God all the time if I'm the one who is wrong or out of place. I know I need to listen to the Spirit within me and take time to pray more than I have been doing. I talk to God all the time and I do pray, but I don't go away like Jesus did--get away and commune with my Father.

I love the church we are in. I love the people and love their pure hearts. So it isn't like I want to move or leave. I see that many of the people are wanting more. In fact I believe there's a move of Spirit in this fellowship, and I don't want to miss it.

Perhaps that's what I'm feeling--change. And change always leaves us off balance. Come on, Lord. Lead us into the new place.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Fall Musings

Beautiful fall day here in New Mexico. The front and back doors are open, I've decorated the front porch and the house with fall colors, scarecrows, etc. I'll leave all this up until time for Christmas decorations. Even if no one comes to the house, we can enjoy it.

The Balloon Fiesta begins the first weekend in October. If the fall weather holds, it will be a huge success. If you've never been in Albuquerque and seen hundreds of colorful balloons rise around you and into the bluest sky in the world, you've missed something wonderful. One of our neighbors is a balloonist. He's out this morning with two chase vans getting his balloon(s) ready to fly. I imagine we'll be seeing a lot of balloons up this next week getting ready for the fiesta.

If you ever have the opportunity to take a little trip, make it to Albuquerque during the first two weeks in October. The weather, the balloons, Old Town and the great places to eat make for a vacation to remember.

I guess you can tell I'm sold on where we live. I love all of it. I may complain about a few things here and there, but I know we are where we are supposed to be. If for no other reason than to plant seeds. Isn't that what we're to be doing wherever we are?

Another great reason, or reasons, to be here are 5 grandchildren. We are within a 10 minute walk to their house. Seeing them grow up is a blessing. But not being able to see all 13 grands and the 1 great grand is frustrating. Why do people move so far away from family all the time? Back in the "day" families lived in the same area all their lives. They were able to know their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents because they all got together every holiday.

Although that's great, I wouldn't trade living back in the "day" with now. I like all the modern conveniences: the Internet, television, washing machines and dryers, daily showers, cell phones, automobiles, restaurants. However, I'm planning a book I want to write that's set in the 1700s, and I don't know much about that time period. Thank goodness for the Internet. It will save me a trip to the library and reading numerous books to get my information. However, with our busy schedule, who knows when I'll get it done.

Happy Fall Day to you all. Enjoy God's blessings today and come visit the Balloon Fiesta sometime. We have a spare bedroom ready for you.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fire in My Belly

I haven't written anything in a long time and don't even know if anyone reads this blog any more, but this writing today is to quench the fire in my belly.

Years ago I read Jeremiah and understood when he said he had to prophesy the Word that was in him. He said something like it would burn him up if he didn't. They threw him in a pit because they didn't want to hear. That would make a person shut up, wouldn't you think? But that fire won't let you be quiet.Sometimes we need to heed that fire within us even though those who hear it don't want to hear at all. I might add, I'm not comparing myself with any Old or New Testament prophet.

I've spent most of the last few years keeping quiet--except in a few circumstances. After the times when the fire bubbled up (Does fire bubble?) and the words came out, I beat myself up and vowed to never speak again. But I still have to speak when the Spirit moves.

Those of you who have heard words from me you don't agree with or don't want to hear, please know this. I don't want to offend you and would keep quiet if I could, but my prayers have been fervent for God to reveal Himself to people as He has in the past. Do I heed what is in me to speak or do I not? If I don't, I will get along better with some people who take exception to my words but the fire will burn me up. I might pull away and never speak of it again, but eventually someone else would come along with the same message because it's a message we need to hear.

Know this, all you who wish I'd shut up: I would if I could, but instead I've been praying for God to put His words in my mouth. Is that what He's doing? I think so. I just hope you'll love me enough to listen and ask God for yourself. The truth of the matter is that God is speaking to us all the time and we need to always be open to what He has to say--even when it doesn't agree with our theology. Listen. Test. Pray. Maybe He is doing a work in this earth we cannot imagine.

I love all you, my friends.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Want to Stay Positive

I love having company and having a nice place for them to stay.

One of our sons is here now with his family. They'll leave in the morning to spend some time in the mountains with her family then they'll come back Monday and fly home Tuesday. In the meantime, while they are gone, part of the CA son's family will come through on Saturday on their way to begin their move to Chicago. I'm so glad we have beds for them.

The first of October my brother and his wife will come spend some time with us and we're looking forward to that.

It's great to have another son living about three blocks away. We see the 5 grands more often now.

I'm more grateful than I used to be since I had the knee surgery. While in rehab I met some people who are way worse off than I ever thought about being. None of them were giving up.

I love family and friends and God. I hope I'm never as negative as I used to be. I just want to always be grateful.