Sunday, April 10, 2011

How Do You Refuel?

Are you the personality type who gets energy from being with people? Or are you the type who needs alone time because being with people drains your energy?

I'm the latter. For over a month now I've been with people all the time. I haven't had a moment alone. Being alone doesn't mean being in a room alone when there are other people in the house. Being alone means not having anyone around you have to interact with.

The past month was definitely stressful, emotionally and physically. But we've been home a few days now and I'm still exhausted because I haven't had any alone time.

Many years ago my daughter and grandson came to live with us. I taught school and came home utterly worn out from being around mid schoolers and teachers. My mother was in a nursing home and I visited her after school many days. The house was full in the evening and I didn't even have an empty room where I could be alone. Many Saturdays or Sundays I would get in my van and drive to a parking lot near our house and just be there--in the van--alone.

Another way I can refill my energy tank is to walk around a mall; go into shops, look around and probably never buy anything. Although there are people, I don't have to interact with them. That's probably what I will do tomorrow after church. I'll just go to the mall alone.

How do you refuel? Or do you ever need to?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I couldn't go right to sleep last night. I don't know if it was because I ate some sugar too late or because my mind was on a rampage.

I thought about all I had to do today after being gone from home most of a month. I kept seeing Estella alive doing all the things I've seen her do: laundry, eating, helping Jim, playing cards, just sitting and talking. I'd see her as I remember her those last weeks. Mostly, it was when she was alive.

I've lost several family members and good friends. It's such an odd feeling knowing they were once here on earth and now they aren't. And life just goes on without them. It doesn't seem right.

I have a picture of balloons as wallpaper on my desktop. It's one I took when they were here last October. We parked in the handicapped area and were able to see the balloons. In the past they were down on the field but now they are also near the parking area where they inflate. I remember how much they both liked watching them.

Three and a half years ago they came for the Balloon Fiesta. The weather was awful and they didn't see anything at all. When they went home, she had cancer. The same thing happened this time. She went in for a regular check and they found it in her chest wall. Later they discovered it was all in her bronchials and gave her 2 to 3 weeks. She died 3 weeks and a day later.

When I was lying awake last night and not thinking about the things I mentioned above, I wrote a great blog. I didn't get up and make notes and have no idea what it was about, but I promise you--it was one of my best.

Maybe some day it will come back to me.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

What's In My Own Heart?

Why are people so quick to judge what is in another person's heart?
Why do we think we know what someone was thinking when he or she does something we don't approve of?
Why can't we leave all that to God and love people the way they are?
Why not pray for them instead?
Maybe it would be better if we looked at ourselves instead of wanting everyone else to be perfect--as perfect as we see outselves.

I'm sure we've all heard someone murder another person with words then admit they aren't perfect either. I've probably done that myself.

No, none of us is perfect. For that reason Jesus suggested we love our enemies and let God be the judge. I say He suggested it. It was more than that. In fact, it was a command.

Loving isn't about judging.

Yes, I know we can make judgements but isn't that the same as judging?
I can make a judgement that my friend's husband isn't as nice to her as
he should be. Haven't I made a judgement about their marriage that's none
of my business?

How about if I have an addiction to chocolate or soft drinks and judge someone else's addiction to tobacco. What's the difference? What if I'm obese and make a judgement about what some small, pretty teenager wears?

The past weeks have made changes in me that I hope stick.

My heart is heavy right now because of the judgements that have been made
about someone I love.

God, help us to look into our own hearts before we try to determine
what is in someone else's.