Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Place Your Order

Our life has changed so much in the past 5 months. I can hardly recognize who we are today compared to who we were before.

For a month we've been in a temporary place. The house we will eventually move into is an enigma. I can't picture myself living there at all. We made some quick decisions that don't look good to me today. It will take a lot of God's grace to make them work for us.

I remember a time before moving to Abq when I sat in my OK house and experienced total contentment. First time in my life I'd ever felt that. Haven't since. Certainly not feeling it now.

A friend wrote a poem and sent it to me. She said I can share it.

"As my mouth salivates

and my mind jumps to and fro

I wonder if life will ever

return to a simpler time.

Will my thoughts ever be

simple and shallow?

Will they ever center around

anything but me?

What did I used to think about?

What were my days filled with?

When was my job(life for me) fulfilling

enough that I didn’t

struggle with my thoughts?

If my mind would just

settle down!

I long for contentment."

I pray that with this new phase of life will come contentment.

Yesterday I looked at the house with different eyes---on purpose. If I believe God was in this move then I have to trust him with all of it.

I found this quote today from the same friend:
“If you feel a deep hunger but don’t know what you want, just ask God to order for you. That way you’ll always get whatever is the best on the menu.”

“I spent the last week so lost in myself and unresponsive to God that I hadn’t asked

Him to order anything for me.

Yet He still gave me exactly what I needed to fill the emptiness.”
From Sister Chicks Down Under by Robin Jones Gunn

Yes, He is faithful.

Paul said he was content in all circumstances. I wonder if he put in an order?

I pray that when I look back on all this I will see how God worked contentment into me---no matter the circumstances.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Long Month

It's been a long month.

We are out of our house and into a furnished apartment. The house we may move into closes tomorrow. I say "may" because we've had so many stops and starts that our heads are spinning. This house is in a perfect location and is larger than the two that fell through. However, it needs painting, new flooring and some other upgrades which will have to be done before it is move in ready.

My knee is still in pain and my cane and I have become constant mates. I've been to my chiropractor, a PA, a sports medicine doc for a cortisone injection, and see another my primary care this afternoon and an orthopedist tomorrow. I think I'm looking at knee replacement, a scope or chicken cartilage. My sights are on the chicken.

The only word I've heard from the Lord in the past few weeks is "Count it all joy" from James 1:2. When we look back, maybe we can see that we have matured and our completeness in Him is closer than it was before all this began last year. We've had to put our trust in God in a way we haven't before.

One thing I know I've learned: My life is not totally under my control.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Whining and Thanking God At the Same Time

Whine, whine, whine.

We are still in the process of packing. Next week the POD comes to be loaded. We will close and be out of here on the 9th and have rented an apartment for a month. As far as we know this house (number 3) will go through then we can move in and be settled after so long.

The month of getting the house ready to sell, the two months of showing it and the entire month of March going through two house failures have left me exhausted. We've been packing for weeks now so the house is totally upside-down. I do believe it's getting to me.

This morning I woke up feeling lonely. I miss having fun times with our friends. We still see them some but I'm always so tired and so distracted that I'm not able to embrace their loving presence. I think it's because our lives are so unsettled right now. I need to be creative and I'm not able to do that. I'm having a lot of pain from arthritis, especially in my right knee, and waiting, waiting, waiting. All I really want to do is lie on the sofa with my leg up and just watch junky TV. Eating sugar has become my comfort food and sugar inflames arthritis. With the Lord's help I've been able to slow way down on that.

Now that I've voiced my feelings, I lift up my eyes to where my help comes from. The Lord Almighty hasn't abandoned me. I'll get through all this, look back and give thanks! Actually, I'm giving thanks now even as I whine.