Sunday, February 28, 2010

Moving Out, Moving In and Moving On

Too much going on to sleep.

We have a contract on our house and are putting a contract on the house we want to live in. At the last moment today we made the decision.

The couple buying our house wants to buy some of our furniture. We have no idea what but we're willing to sell almost anything since we can't take it all anyway. That's another answer to prayer.

I dreamed about house-hunting a few nights ago and the house we chose is the one that was most seen in my dream. It could have been because it's the one we both had the most peace when we were in it. We see-sawed all day between this one and one other that needed more work done on it, had more square feet but less storage and no views.

The one we like has a spectacular view of the mountains from Santa Fe to the Monzanos. The high school below might be a problem when baseball is going on but the mountain view is too good to give up.

We have a special relationship with the Sandias right out of our kitchen and living area windows. This new house has views from those rooms, too.

I'm taking a deep breath and thanking God for keeping us on His path. We pray that's exactly what He's doing.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Octopus' and Becoming Stronger

When I first called Al-Anon, the lady I spoke to said alcoholism affects as many as five family members. I've been thinking about that and come to the conclusion that our actions, no matter what they are, don't just affect us. Actions and decisions we make are like octopus tentacles. Everyone within reach is fair game for the octopus.

I saw a video of deep water fish and was surprised to see the octopus's ability to blend in with the flora and fauna--color and texture and all. They can suddenly push away from their hiding place and the real octopus is clearly seen. It's too late for some unsuspecting prey.

If one of the tentacles grabs a family member or friend, that person can be entwined and imprisoned before they know what's got hold of them. Some people never get free. For those who do, the journey is long, hard and heartbreaking.

My past is littered with actions that touched and hurt others. I don't know how much damage was done or who has forgiven me, but the hardest forgiveness came for myself from myself.

Too bad we have to live over seventy years before we figure some things out. As they say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I hope that's true for the ones I love.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

God is the Answer for me

Reid and I went to an Al Anon meeting this morning. I've told my grandson for a long time that he needs to go, but he won't. I decided to go myself.

Today the topic appeared to be "taking care of myself." I wish Grandson could have heard it. Many of the people talked about finally realizing they need to stop trying to change the alcoholic and take care of themselves. I think I'm over that hump.

I have fears and sorrow over the situation, but I'm emotionally detached and know I can't change anyone. But I have one thing that it didn't seem some of the others had. God. I believe He can change situations and people. My trust and faith is in Him and that's where I rest.

I don't know if I'll go back again. There are many other meetings and I might try out one of those. I almost feel like I'd rather be a sponsor who says, "Turn it all over to God." They do speak of a Higher Power/God as each of us sees Him. Without really knowing Him, that's impossible and I'm not sure where any of the people were spiritually except for two men. One admitted he has trouble with a loving God but is working on that. The other showed a deep belief in God. All I said when I shared was that I believed in answered prayer and that is where I am--or something like that. I'm not exactly sure what came out.

So many families are dealing with addiction. If there were 50 people there today who are and have been dealing with it for years, there are multiple more in the same boat. What a mixed up world we live in. So many hurting people. How can I reach out and help them? That's my desire. The only answer I have is God.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sugar and Stress

What is it about sugar that eases stress?

Since we started the house situation, all I want some days is something sweet. For years I haven't been able to eat sugar or starch, but after drinking white oak bark tea, sugar doesn't seem to bother me quite as much.

I can say that but at the Super Bowl party on Sunday I ate every dessert there: rum cake, blackberry cobbler and ice cream, fruit something or other, a cinnamon something, chocolate cake. Of course, I didn't go to sleep until 5:00 the next morning either! All night I wrote a new book titled, "When Children Break Their Parent's Hearts."

The past few days have been more stressful than usual. So far I've had a cheese Danish at Starbuck's, a soy ice cream carob bar and a miniature Hershey (from the bowl we have out for the house lookers.) I don't know if I'll sleep tonight or not.

I wish I would go pray instead of eating sugar. I pray all the time but right now nothing seems to be able to take the place of sugar.

I remember once long ago when I could eat sugar and was in stress. Instead of wanting to eat, I couldn't eat and lost so much weight. Why can't I do that now? Why is sugar my answer? Rhetorical question, but if you have the answer, please let me know.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Shaping Our Lives

I woke up early this Saturday morning with our move on my mind. In the beginning we thought we knew God was moving us to another city. More than that, we felt God was speaking "purpose" to us. We were moving to fulfill God's purpose in us.

As time went on our thoughts changed. We knew one thing--we were selling our house and moving. But where? Reid's son asked us to stay in town and live in the house he would buy. Another of his sons is wanting to move back here in order to be near family. Our grandson doesn't want us to move and offered to clean out their barn and make it livable for us. We like the weather here and have friends, and doctors, and a good hairdresser :)
All which makes it hard to pull up roots at 73 and start over.

Yet we prayed. "Lord, where do you want us?"

This morning I sat in my favorite room, a room I may not have when we downsize, and read my Bible. I began in Ephesians and read about God's plan from the beginning to make us his children. I went to my Amplified Bible and found a sticky note I'd written many years ago and left on Psalm 90. I'd written four scriptures from the Psalm: 12,14,16,17. Below them was this sentence: God in circumstances shaping life, not circumstances. As I read the verses and meditated on the statement, I saw the truth of our move.

I love my house and I love the space I have. Thinking about squeezing all my "treasures" in a smaller place or having to live without them, is humbling. Humility! Of course. God is working humility in us, and as I read, I saw that He is answering our prayers for wisdom. Humility and wisdom. God's purpose is always to shape our lives.

Purpose is being, not doing.

When I saw this, gratitude came. Ah, ha! Something else God wants from us--gratitude. Oh, works happen, too, but they don't come first because if they do, then humility and wisdom suffer and gratitude pales into pride.

We don't know where we are going to live or who may buy this house and when, but it no longer matters. God is at work in our circumstances shaping our lives and we are grateful for that!

Monday, February 1, 2010


Our ladies Bible class is studying Galatians. We're memorizing verses (or trying to). The first verse is from Galatians 5:1--"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

This past week I began to think, which is always scary, because too much thinking can so easily throw me right back under the law.

"Lord, have I not taken care of this house you've given us? Are you taking it away because of something I did or didn't do?" What does this tell you? It tells me that God only responds to my works. I do good. He does good to me. I do bad. Well, you get it.

Galatians goes on to say that when we are under the law, then we are not under grace.
Romans tells us that there is no longer any condemnation because we are not under law. God's grace covers all the bad stuff I've done AND all the good! It doesn't depend on me at all!

That is real freedom.