The thoughts are coming fast right now. I don't know what's up but I'm going with it.
When I went to bed last night, I had a heaviness to pray, but did I get up and go do it? No. I've had such trouble sleeping lately that I don't want anything to interfere. The days following sleepless nights leave me tired and grumpy. So I stayed in bed and prayed--but it wasn't the same as it would have been if I had gone into another bedroom, gotten down on my knees and prayed. Finally the heaviness left me and I still didn't go to sleep until 2 AM.
I'm so hungry for Jesus right now. I remember having this kind of hunger in 1971 when I met Him for the first time. I spent every free moment praying and reading the Bible. I couldn't get enough.
Although I'm that hungry again there is also a malaise in me. Why bother? I'm stuck in a place where I don't know anyone who believes like I do or talks about spiritual things or desires to pray together in the Spirit or allow the gifts of the Spirit to freely move. I ask God all the time if I'm the one who is wrong or out of place. I know I need to listen to the Spirit within me and take time to pray more than I have been doing. I talk to God all the time and I do pray, but I don't go away like Jesus did--get away and commune with my Father.
I love the church we are in. I love the people and love their pure hearts. So it isn't like I want to move or leave. I see that many of the people are wanting more. In fact I believe there's a move of Spirit in this fellowship, and I don't want to miss it.
Perhaps that's what I'm feeling--change. And change always leaves us off balance. Come on, Lord. Lead us into the new place.
Always remember He is always right where you are. You don't have to be in a special posture or mind set. Just talk to him and he will answer. I pray your desired closeness will envelope you and you will know He is there. I know the craving you have and I also know He will comfort you. Be diligent and be real---He listens!
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