My last blog was too grim for my daughter. I've pondered her reaction, of course, because that's who I am, and because I love her so much. This blog is my reply.
Honey, I'm not like you. You're a sanguine go-getter and I love you for it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot be sanguine. I'm just not funny, and I don't see life the way sanguines do. Fun for me isn't seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. My glasses are like telescopes. I test and evaluate, dissect and study. I want to know why and how, when and where; how it affects others; how it affects my life and what I can learn from it.
This isn't negative to me. It's how my mind works; how I view the world. That's probably why I like writing stories about people. Sometimes I have to be very careful or all of my characters think just like me.
I love going into the hows and whys of life. I love talking to people heart to heart--getting down into the depths of what makes us as people tick.
Here's one of my ponderings:
One of the great things about God is that he doesn't judge us on the outside. He looks at the heart. Without knowing, or think we know, what's in a person's heart, we can't make judgements.
I've been misjudged many times in my life by people who really don't know me. Those judgements hurt and when they happened, I turned to God and found that He knew what was in my heart. He assured me he saw that I was doing the best I could with where I was. I believe most people do that--the best they can with what they have to work with and where they are in life.
You may ask, "What about a person who does evil?"
I don't know. Only God knows. We have to leave all that to Him. I'm talking about us--the every day us.
Learning this wasn't negative or dark to me. I thought about it and talked to God about it for a long time before I finally came to these conclusions.
I don't live in this introspective place all the time. I like laughing, playing games and just being with friends. I used to love to dance. Now I have to watch others dance but my toes tap and my spirit jumps with joy when the music plays.
I hope this suffices as an explanation of why I write the way I do. I'd like to read what you write because I love hearing you tell stories and seeing you smile or make those funny faces no matter what's going on around you.
I love you and know you're going to be unhappy that I blogged this to you, but at least I didn't use your name. (: