Some Thoughts about Family and Mean Women

We've had a busy week--granddaughter and daughter-in-law in town all week, lessons to do for two classes, writing, exercising, having meals with friends.

My cousin and I send emails daily telling of our day's activities and making comments on anything we think of. She lives alone and enjoys her life: Reading, cleaning house, needlework, emailing friends and daily naps. She rarely watches TV and almost never goes out with friends. I would be bored silly with this life, but she'd be bored with mine. She'd hate all the meetings we have to attend, church activities--and says, "To each his own."

So true. She left this morning for a three week tour of New Zealand. She travels about four times every year. Now that's what I'd call boring! It would be nice to see all those places but I want to come home at night. She usually goes alone. I'd find that hard to do.

We tend to do what makes us the most comfortable, don't we? I've lived alone and remember many weekends and holidays when it was just me. I can do it, but I'd rather not. When I married Reid almost six years ago, I inherited four sons with their wives and 10 grandchildren. Our holidays and many birthdays are filled with people. My oldest grandson has a daughter so now we are greats.

I believe God intersects our lives with other people (as our preacher said last Sunday.) Some of my best friends are no longer in my life. Some have come and gone and come back again. I think about those that I haven't seen in years and wonder where they are today and why we lost contact. Since moving here new friends have come into my life. Although I can be alone if I have to, and enjoy it once in a while, I couldn't do without friendships. I believe God made us like this because friends help show us who He is and who we are.

Last night at the Esther class, Beth Moore talked about mean women. I wonder how many other women who heard her questioned themselves, saw traits they want to get rid of and had their lives changed by her words?

I did. And I hope I never tire of hearing truth and wanting it in my life.

Non-Internet Techies

I have two friends that aren't hooked up to the Internet. One has a word processor and the other doesn't have a computer of any kind.

The word processor friend uses hers to write letters. I guess she has to print out the letter, mail it and wait for an answer. The only letter I get from her is at Christmas. We talk a couple of times a year because I call her on the phone. She doesn't have a cell phone either. I'm not sure she has an answering machine. And I wonder how many letters she gets answered.

The other friend's husband retired many years ago. His company had just introduced computers into his workplace (that'll tell you how long ago he retired), but he never got the hang of them. I understand that because when I was first introduced to computers we had to use the old Basic, and it was a pain. So, this friend and her husband don't even want to look into the world of computers. They didn't have a cell phone until recently, but they never have it on unless they plan to use it themselves. Probably don't carry it unless they go out of town. In fact, they didn't have an answering machine on their phone line until a few years ago. If they go out of town, they turn it off. They probably still use rabbit ears on their TV, but I don't know that for sure. The only time we talk is when I call them, too.

I think both of these friends have two things going on. One, they are a little scared of the Internet because they know nothing about it. Second, they don't care about being hooked up with the world. I understand the scared part. If one of my friends hadn't pushed me into it, I wouldn't have gotten a computer either. Her husband sold them, helped me get one and get on the Net, and I've been a "techie" ever since. I love being able to communicate with people I haven't seen in years. As a writer I like being able to Google just about anything I need for a story. Writing a novel on Word is a million times easier than trying to do it on a typewriter. And I like being hooked up with the world.

But you know, both of these people are happy. They may not know what they're missing, but maybe they aren't missing anything at all. I'd love to be able to communicate with them more often. They're always happy to talk to me and ask us to come visit them. But they never call first. The fact that they don't call first might tell me something. All they need is the world around them; their friends, family, cats and husbands.

Kind of like the good old days.

Who Do You Miss?

I received another one of those emails today that asks you to answer several questions about yourself--something that's supposed to help your friends get to know you better. This one asked, "Who do you miss the most?" The person who sent it to me wrote her mother, father and the family she grew up with.

I stopped and thought. Who do I miss? My parents? The husband I lost to cancer? I couldn't honestly say I miss them. They're better off than when I last was with them: my dad had heart failure, my mother was 89 and her mind had gone from me, my husband couldn't breathe. As I thought about it, one name came to my mind. It was the name of one of the oldest friends in my life. We met in second grade. She stayed with us for about six weeks in high school while her parents went to Africa. She rode to school with us every day from junior high through high school.

After I graduated, we moved from our home town, and after she was married, she and her husband moved to the same town we were living in. We moved back to our old home town and so did they. Then they moved to New Mexico and we didn't see each other for a long time. She wrote letters, called, sent needlework presents, and never let go of our friendship. She got cancer and fought it for years, but finally she just gave it up. I remember the last time I spoke to her. What could I say? Not much. I just cried. I wasn't ready to live in a world without my friend, but I had to.

I guess I miss her more than anyone I've known, and the reason is probably a selfish one. Someone who hangs on to you for over sixty years must love you. What I miss is not just talking to her, but knowing she's still holding on to me.

Life Long Friends

Who have you known longer than anyone else and is still in your life? Parents and siblings don't count? Both my parents have "passed over to the other side." Even my brother isn't the person I've known longer than anyone else.

I had a friend, Sharon, who passed away a few years ago. She and I had been friends since 2nd grade and had kept up with each other over the years. Her passing hit me hard. It was like a big piece of my heart was taken away. I have another friend I've known a long time. I don't know exactly when Anna Lou and I first met, but we were best friends until after I graduated from high school. After both of us were married and started families, we lost contact. It's only been since 2004 that we found each other again, and that is through email now.

But the person I'm really speaking of is someone I've known since I was about four years old.
I remember having a picture taken when she was two and I was four. That's my first memory of my cousin, Jo Ann. We didn't live in the same town and probably didn't see each other very much until her family moved to Memphis, Texas, where our grandparents lived.

Jo Ann and I spent summers and holidays together. We spent hours in Mamaw's front bedroom playing paper dolls, creating exotic hats with feathers (where we got them is still a mystery), reading--we loved to read and both of us still do. In our grandparent's side yard we put on musicals for the neighborhood kids (think Little Rascals). We ran the neighborhood on our "pretend" horses, the Black Stallion and the Strawberry Roan, being Vera Ellen and Cyd Charisse (or Ava Gardner--whichever one I felt like at the time.) Our pretend boyfriends were Guy Madison for Jo Ann and Roy Rogers for me. (If you're so young you've never heard of these people, it's all right. Just think of the male and female actors of today you'd like to pretend to be.)

Our grandparents took us on fishing trips to Chama, Eagle Nest, Crede, Red River--through beautiful mountain scenery and we read all the way. Once at our destination we never lifted a fishing pole. We hiked and played, and when we were older, flirted with boys. We wrote a book of poems on one trip to Eagle Nest and always took time out of every day to read. Nancy Drew was one of the series of choice, but we read others, too. I especially remember "Yankee Stranger." I think I read it three or four times and still have a copy of the book. Jo Ann and I would read the same book and cast it with movie stars.

Young, unemcumbered with stress, fearless, content. We had a good life.

Then we grew up. Dang! I decided to get married when I was nineteen. Jo Ann and my grandfather cried at my wedding. Had I known some of my future, I might have cried, too.
We wrote letters for awhile. She was in college and later teaching. Our letters grew farther and farther apart. My life took some weird detours, and we weren't in touch much.

Then came email. Somehow we got back in touch again. I was widowed, and she had retired from teaching. We had time and started emailing back and forth. Today, it's at least one email every day. We've been together at our house, in Denver where she lives and have taken an England trip together.

I've known Jo Ann longer than anyone else in my life, even longer than my brother who is seven years younger than I am. I think she's known me longer, too, since her brother is 8 years younger than she is. Like with Sharon, a piece of my heart is tied to Jo Ann. I think it's that way for all of us. We have people in our lives that make places in our hearts forever. Of course, our families are there, our children and spouses, but friends, too.

More than a cousin, I consider Jo Ann a friend. She's having a birthday on the 5th of July. Happy Birthday, cousin and friend! I'm thankful to have you in my life.