Tuesday, June 30, 2009


I woke up early this morning thinking about life and death. Seems like I've been thinking a lot more about death lately than life. Maybe it's because we've heard so much about death in the past week: Ed, Farrah, Michael, four teenagers, a man and his three sons and many more. Or maybe it is because every day I'm nearer to finding out what it's all about than the day before.

When my mother was in her eighties, not in good health and living in a nursing home, we talked about death. I asked her if she was afraid to die and she said she wasn't, but that she didn't want to leave us. I get that now. I don't want to leave the people I love for many reasons. Is one reason because I don't think they can get along without me? Could it be my mother felt the same way? Or is it because it's just so hard to let go?

The other side of the coin is losing someone I love. I've lost many in my lifetime and none have been easy, but I've survived. When my time comes, my loved ones will survive, too. As hard as it is at the time, life goes on.

While lying in bed this morning I pictured all the people in the world heading toward a precipice, falling over into the blackness. The older ones should be in front but many times they are overtaken by children and young men and women much too young to die in their prime. I don't like thinking of death that way. Since it was all in my imagination anyway, I changed the picture. Instead of a dark forbidden precipice I saw a golden mist. As the people moved toward it the light from the mist shown on their upturned expectant faces. They moved into the cloud leaving behind pain, fear and you put your own words in here.

I like that picture better. Maybe that's why old age is called Golden--because the glow from that cloud is shining on our faces and Someone is waiting to welcome them home.

Knowing that people I've loved are living in that golden land gives me peace.

When it's my time to go there, I pray those who love me will have that same peace.

(Big sigh!) I'm glad I got that off my mind. Today is all about life and living it. In fact, my word for 2009 is "Live in the Moment." Living in the golden glow works, too.


  1. Powerful reflections, Barabara. I think your thoughts about death are healthy and even biblical. Part of your concern is leaving ones you love behind, and worrying about if they'll make it without you. I've wondered the same thing. I imagine that is how Jesus felt, too. I appreciate someone else giving voice (or pen)to these thoughts and letting me know I'm not alone.

  2. Thanks, Warren. It seems so odd to me that in our churches we talk about all wanting to go to Heaven but nobody wants to die to get there.