I'm not the only one.
A friend of mine (a good Christian friend, I might add) read yesterday's blog and sent an email. I'm quoting her. However names are withheld to protect the guilty.
"Many years ago we were out on one of our Airstream trips. We were somewhere on the west coast and I'm thinking it might have been the San Francisco area. It was late in the day and my husband was maneuvering a station wagon full of four boys and pulling the trailer through heavy traffic in a retail store area when another family station wagon dad laid on his horn because we hesitated a moment so I could give my husband directions. The dad pulled up next to us and rolled down his window to give us a piece of his mind. Exasperated, I put my thumbs in my ears and wiggled my fingers at him and stuck out my tongue. The look on his face was priceless. His eyes widened, and probably figuring he was dealing with a maniac, he just drove on by. Later I couldn't believe I had done that but it solved the immediate harassment and we were able to continue on our way to find a place to park the trailer and feed four hungry kids. It was the first and last time I've ever done that."
Don't you love it when something like this comes out of you? Or are my friend and I the only ones?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A Funny Thing Happened. . .
I go from one extreme to the other. One day I'm really in the Spirit and the next--well, you'll see what I mean.
We went to the grocery store yesterday. I noticed a little woman driving one of the motorized grocery carts around the store, but didn't give it much thought. When we checked out and went to our car, Reid put the car into Reverse and looked in his mirrors. He said, "Do you see that little woman in the cart? I saw her in the side mirror but lost her."
I looked to my right and saw that she was parked on the other side of a car next to us. I told Reid she was clear.
He noticed a family with several little kids running behind us so he waited. Then he started backing out. Suddenly we heard a thump from the back of our car. He stopped and pulled forward. I looked to my right and the little motor woman was standing with another lady and both of them looked angry. I rolled down my window and the motor woman pointed her finger at us and screamed. (Yes, she screamed.) "That man doesn't need to be driving a car. He almost backed into me and her (pointing to the other woman standing near her.)
Well, it was all so ridiculous to me that I could only think of one thing to say.
"Oh, shut up." I rolled up my window. She responded and told me where to go and it wasn't to heaven.
Even today I can't think of a good Christian response. Maybe the Christian bone in my body isn't as big as I think it is.
We went to the grocery store yesterday. I noticed a little woman driving one of the motorized grocery carts around the store, but didn't give it much thought. When we checked out and went to our car, Reid put the car into Reverse and looked in his mirrors. He said, "Do you see that little woman in the cart? I saw her in the side mirror but lost her."
I looked to my right and saw that she was parked on the other side of a car next to us. I told Reid she was clear.
He noticed a family with several little kids running behind us so he waited. Then he started backing out. Suddenly we heard a thump from the back of our car. He stopped and pulled forward. I looked to my right and the little motor woman was standing with another lady and both of them looked angry. I rolled down my window and the motor woman pointed her finger at us and screamed. (Yes, she screamed.) "That man doesn't need to be driving a car. He almost backed into me and her (pointing to the other woman standing near her.)
Well, it was all so ridiculous to me that I could only think of one thing to say.
"Oh, shut up." I rolled up my window. She responded and told me where to go and it wasn't to heaven.
Even today I can't think of a good Christian response. Maybe the Christian bone in my body isn't as big as I think it is.
Monday, June 15, 2009
My Eyes Are On You
I am what was once called "charismatic." I don't know what they call it today or if it is called anything. Jesus found me in 1971. I didn't know I'd been looking for Him when He found me.
I've always gone to church and was a member of an independent Christian faith at the time, but I was sinking. My theme song was "Master the Tempest is Raging." The chorus is what struck a cord in my heart. "Peace Be Still." I longed for that peace.
Many nights, instead of sleeping, I spent on my knees crying out to God for His Peace. When He brought it, it was only in my heart and not in the hearts of a family member or most of my friends. If I'd been Amish, they would have called it shunning. In the church we attended, afraid of being infected they kicked me out.
Over the years I've had some wonderful times of worshiping and praising God. Often I sing a song that I can't even remember after those times pass. One prayer song that has stuck with me, and came to me this morning as I prayed for God to guide my day, is this one.
My eyes are on You, Lord, my eyes are on You.
My eyes are on You, Lord, my eyes are on You.
You lead me, You guide me, You stay right beside me.
My eyes are on You, Lord. My eyes stay on You.
His eyes are always on us. Lord, help us keep our eyes on You.
I've always gone to church and was a member of an independent Christian faith at the time, but I was sinking. My theme song was "Master the Tempest is Raging." The chorus is what struck a cord in my heart. "Peace Be Still." I longed for that peace.
Many nights, instead of sleeping, I spent on my knees crying out to God for His Peace. When He brought it, it was only in my heart and not in the hearts of a family member or most of my friends. If I'd been Amish, they would have called it shunning. In the church we attended, afraid of being infected they kicked me out.
Over the years I've had some wonderful times of worshiping and praising God. Often I sing a song that I can't even remember after those times pass. One prayer song that has stuck with me, and came to me this morning as I prayed for God to guide my day, is this one.
My eyes are on You, Lord, my eyes are on You.
My eyes are on You, Lord, my eyes are on You.
You lead me, You guide me, You stay right beside me.
My eyes are on You, Lord. My eyes stay on You.
His eyes are always on us. Lord, help us keep our eyes on You.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Use Me
I don't think I'm alone in living far below what God wants for me. Most of the time, instead of living in the Kingdom of God, I'm just talking about it.
Our casita was used once again last night with an old friend traveling through town. Since we had a guest out there for several weeks who just left us about a month ago, and three girls traveling with a Christian singing group last Saturday night, my first impulse was to complain about how much work it is to do the laundry and cleaning in order to restore the room to its pristine condition.
That room isn't ours. As with all we have, the room belongs to God. Why can't I remember that? He brings people to us. He brings us the blessings of being able to show hospitality to those people. And I complain?
I know the reason. Selfishness. I hate to admit it, but I know it is true. Our last guest last night stayed and visited for several hours this morning, and my heart opened to God. This person has always had that affect on me. Many years ago he, his wife and I would talk for hours leaving me reaching higher for the Kingdom. This morning I heard him say he had to give everything up in order to obtain where he is now.
Give up everything? That doesn't mean actually doing without it. It means letting go of everything that hides me, shields me, gives me comfort, builds me up.
When I was in junior high and high school, our church sang a song almost every Sunday after communion. I was far from spiritual in those days but as we sang that song, it became my prayer--and still is.
Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.
Make me, mold me, fill me, use me.
Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.
I know He is still at work on me. My prayer is that I'll allow Him to complete it.
Our casita was used once again last night with an old friend traveling through town. Since we had a guest out there for several weeks who just left us about a month ago, and three girls traveling with a Christian singing group last Saturday night, my first impulse was to complain about how much work it is to do the laundry and cleaning in order to restore the room to its pristine condition.
That room isn't ours. As with all we have, the room belongs to God. Why can't I remember that? He brings people to us. He brings us the blessings of being able to show hospitality to those people. And I complain?
I know the reason. Selfishness. I hate to admit it, but I know it is true. Our last guest last night stayed and visited for several hours this morning, and my heart opened to God. This person has always had that affect on me. Many years ago he, his wife and I would talk for hours leaving me reaching higher for the Kingdom. This morning I heard him say he had to give everything up in order to obtain where he is now.
Give up everything? That doesn't mean actually doing without it. It means letting go of everything that hides me, shields me, gives me comfort, builds me up.
When I was in junior high and high school, our church sang a song almost every Sunday after communion. I was far from spiritual in those days but as we sang that song, it became my prayer--and still is.
Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.
Make me, mold me, fill me, use me.
Spirit of the Living God, fall afresh on me.
I know He is still at work on me. My prayer is that I'll allow Him to complete it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hurting
Family problems are the worst ever. If we have relationships with friends that don't go smoothly, we can walk away. But when it's family... How do you walk away from them?
I've found that the only way I can cope is through prayer. If what is feared happens, I know God has the strength I'll need to get through it, and I pray the family member it happens to has the strength to go to Him, too.
What really bothers me is how I cope today. I know I've shut off part of my feelings. It happened the first time when I was 16 and had my heart broken by a boyfriend. I consciously thought, "I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again."
I didn't until I was in my forties. It took me a little longer after that episode to shut down. And I haven't opened myself up again.
This works for me except for one big thing. By shutting self off from feeling deep emotions, a person (me?) shuts self off from accepting deep emotions from others.
It's safer that way, isn't it? No more hurting.
But is it the way God would like a person to cope?
If it isn't, then what?
I've found that the only way I can cope is through prayer. If what is feared happens, I know God has the strength I'll need to get through it, and I pray the family member it happens to has the strength to go to Him, too.
What really bothers me is how I cope today. I know I've shut off part of my feelings. It happened the first time when I was 16 and had my heart broken by a boyfriend. I consciously thought, "I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again."
I didn't until I was in my forties. It took me a little longer after that episode to shut down. And I haven't opened myself up again.
This works for me except for one big thing. By shutting self off from feeling deep emotions, a person (me?) shuts self off from accepting deep emotions from others.
It's safer that way, isn't it? No more hurting.
But is it the way God would like a person to cope?
If it isn't, then what?
Friday, June 5, 2009
Rejection
Strange how rejection affects a person. I think I'm ready for it, but when it comes, it knocks me back.
I've sent submissions and queries to several publishers/agents. I received one from Avalon Books yesterday. The letter was personal, not a form letter they send to everybody. Signed by the editors, they thanked me for allowing them to consider my story, Copper Penny, for publication. They told me they found several scenes either too intense or violent for their press because they only publish family-friendly press.
Not a word about how bad the book is or anything like that, just that it doesn't meet their publishing guidelines. And that's all good. I missed the mark when I sent my book to them since they don't publish this kind of story.
But I've thought about why this rejection bothered me and think this may be the reason. This book is "my baby, my child." The plot is about a woman who has been held prisoner for ten years and finds the opportunity and courage to escape her captor. The protagonist who shares the spotlight with her is a police detective. Violent and intense? Intense maybe but the violent term stings.
Calling my baby names? Although I might see my child's failings, hearing about them from someone else doesn't feel good.
I don't think the book is really too intense and violent for most publishers. But we'll see. If I had to rewrite it and make it any less, the story would disappear. That's hard to imagine after spending two years putting it together.
This is all about rejection anyway. I've had it before and it never feels good. Do we always want everything we do to be lauded and praised? Maybe I do. That will never happen so I may as well get over it!
I've sent submissions and queries to several publishers/agents. I received one from Avalon Books yesterday. The letter was personal, not a form letter they send to everybody. Signed by the editors, they thanked me for allowing them to consider my story, Copper Penny, for publication. They told me they found several scenes either too intense or violent for their press because they only publish family-friendly press.
Not a word about how bad the book is or anything like that, just that it doesn't meet their publishing guidelines. And that's all good. I missed the mark when I sent my book to them since they don't publish this kind of story.
But I've thought about why this rejection bothered me and think this may be the reason. This book is "my baby, my child." The plot is about a woman who has been held prisoner for ten years and finds the opportunity and courage to escape her captor. The protagonist who shares the spotlight with her is a police detective. Violent and intense? Intense maybe but the violent term stings.
Calling my baby names? Although I might see my child's failings, hearing about them from someone else doesn't feel good.
I don't think the book is really too intense and violent for most publishers. But we'll see. If I had to rewrite it and make it any less, the story would disappear. That's hard to imagine after spending two years putting it together.
This is all about rejection anyway. I've had it before and it never feels good. Do we always want everything we do to be lauded and praised? Maybe I do. That will never happen so I may as well get over it!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Melting in His Love
God's love simply melts me.
Last Saturday evening we spent a glorious zoo symphony evening with friends (and about 5000 other people.) We saw and heard the lions roar all evening, the pea hens singing in the trees and were raptured by Gershwin music.
For the first time in a long time I was glad to be in church. Some weeks it's just "business as usual" but yesterday was Amazing Grace, Because He Loved Me So and I Know I Am Loved By The King and It Makes My Heart Want to Sing. As I looked around the assembly at the people we know and some we don't, I felt I was sitting in the midst of love.
Our zoo friends and another couple along with his mother, wanted to take us to lunch on our anniversary. The seven of us were seated on CPK's patio where we were able to watch children running through the water event they have at ABQ Uptown. Streams of water shoot up at various times and the kids love it. One little boy was precious as he got closer and closer, screaming all the way, until he was as drenched as his two older brothers. We talked and laughed and my heart was filled with love for the relationships God has placed in our lives.
Still under "the influence" today, I drove to the chiropractor. As happens too often, I lost my sense of direction and turned the wrong way. I haven't driven much in Albuquerque so it's always just guess and be golly when I get out in my car. Feeling a little discouraged because it happens so often, I did something I don't think I've ever done before. I don't know if the Holy Spirit prompted me or how God did it, but I had a really fine God Moment right then.
I turned the car around and sighed, "God, talk to me." I turned on Sirius radio and punched the Elvis channel. Out of the speakers I heard God's voice singing through Elvis.
"For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly, more dearly than the spoken word can tell."
My heart melted.
Last Saturday evening we spent a glorious zoo symphony evening with friends (and about 5000 other people.) We saw and heard the lions roar all evening, the pea hens singing in the trees and were raptured by Gershwin music.
For the first time in a long time I was glad to be in church. Some weeks it's just "business as usual" but yesterday was Amazing Grace, Because He Loved Me So and I Know I Am Loved By The King and It Makes My Heart Want to Sing. As I looked around the assembly at the people we know and some we don't, I felt I was sitting in the midst of love.
Our zoo friends and another couple along with his mother, wanted to take us to lunch on our anniversary. The seven of us were seated on CPK's patio where we were able to watch children running through the water event they have at ABQ Uptown. Streams of water shoot up at various times and the kids love it. One little boy was precious as he got closer and closer, screaming all the way, until he was as drenched as his two older brothers. We talked and laughed and my heart was filled with love for the relationships God has placed in our lives.
Still under "the influence" today, I drove to the chiropractor. As happens too often, I lost my sense of direction and turned the wrong way. I haven't driven much in Albuquerque so it's always just guess and be golly when I get out in my car. Feeling a little discouraged because it happens so often, I did something I don't think I've ever done before. I don't know if the Holy Spirit prompted me or how God did it, but I had a really fine God Moment right then.
I turned the car around and sighed, "God, talk to me." I turned on Sirius radio and punched the Elvis channel. Out of the speakers I heard God's voice singing through Elvis.
"For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly, more dearly than the spoken word can tell."
My heart melted.
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