Load Up the Wagon

Life is speeding past and we're holding on for dear life!

The holidays are usually the busiest times of the year, and ours is no less.
The auction is over and was a big success. We have another meeting next week to go over what went right and what needs to go even righter.

We're cleaning out and getting rid of things we don't need. How do we accumulate so much stuff? None of it is important but for some reason when we get it, we think it is necessary. What would happen if we had to put all our belongings into a covered wagon and make our trek to a more promising land? What would really be important then? Having so much sometimes feels like a heavy burden on my shoulders.

The hardest part of cleaning out is getting rid of books. I've done that so many times in my life that the books I've let go of would fill any library in town. I love books and will probably buy more. As one friend said, "I never met a book I didn't want to buy." Me, too.

We have friends who have made a movie. He wrote it, produced it and stars in it. I guess they are trying all the ways they know to sell it so it can be seen on the big screen. How hard is that compared to trying to get someone to publish a book?

We all have unfulfilled dreams but it is those dreams that keep us going. If we finally had everything we ever wanted and only had to rest, how quickly our lives would become meaningless.

Many years ago God told me He would fulfill all the desires of my heart. I don't even know what those desires are, but I'm so grateful to Him that He knows and is still working on them. That's one reason I'm cleaning out. You never know when God will say, "Load up the wagon and move on." In my book that's exciting stuff!

Politics and Providence

I read an article today about politics and providence. At the end the man writes: "We believe that God controls earth's future, though we can't explain how."
Before he gets to that sentence he writes about Habakkuk and Jeremiah who demanded to know how long they had to wait for God to listen to them about the guys in charge. Nebuchadnezzar was one that God clearly said he'd put in power. He's the one who put Daniel into prison and asked him to figure out the meaning of his dreams without telling him what he had dreamed.

Like the author, I believe God is in control. Maybe I believe this because it's so much better than believing everything is random and people are in control (although it seems like that may be true.) Years ago, when Jimmy Carter was running for President, I told my mother I felt God was telling me to vote for him. Mother assured me I wasn't hearing from God. It had to be the devil. But, if Carter hadn't defeated Ford, then we probably wouldn't have had Reagan. Was it God talking to me or was it something I ate?

I know many people have been very concerned about the road our country is on today. I don't like it either, but if I really believe God has everything under control, then I shouldn't worry. Even if we run out of all our food and water and money, isn't that going to be a great time to put our faith in God and see Him work miracles in our lives? He's fed His people on less in the past and He's still the same yesterday, today and forever.

Second Thoughts

I wrote this morning's blog and am having second thoughts. I really don't like to read something that says God is doing this and that to us--always bad things. I don't believe he does bad things to us even though he did in the OT. I believe Jesus took care of our judgement at the cross.

Yet some of the things that are being spoken are probably from God but just misinterpreted. The best part of all this is that God really does have everything under control.

Hurting

Family problems are the worst ever. If we have relationships with friends that don't go smoothly, we can walk away. But when it's family... How do you walk away from them?

I've found that the only way I can cope is through prayer. If what is feared happens, I know God has the strength I'll need to get through it, and I pray the family member it happens to has the strength to go to Him, too.

What really bothers me is how I cope today. I know I've shut off part of my feelings. It happened the first time when I was 16 and had my heart broken by a boyfriend. I consciously thought, "I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again."
I didn't until I was in my forties. It took me a little longer after that episode to shut down. And I haven't opened myself up again.

This works for me except for one big thing. By shutting self off from feeling deep emotions, a person (me?) shuts self off from accepting deep emotions from others.

It's safer that way, isn't it? No more hurting.

But is it the way God would like a person to cope?

If it isn't, then what?

Time

Tomorrow is our sixth anniversary. Six doesn't sound very long but it seems it has been much longer because we've experienced so much. Those years have been full. New grandchildren, a book published and numerous books read, trips to faraway places, new friends, new churches. Time filled with laughter and heartaches, all in a short 2190 days.

Six and a half years ago I was single, worked four days a week for a chiropractor thinking I would probably be shuffling around in his office until I died. I had no idea I'd ever marry again. Then God transcended distance and brought Reid and me together.

Twelve years ago I was widowed.

Thirty years ago I got married for the second time. I hoped I'd marry again, but when I met Jim,I wasn't sure he was THE ONE. I asked God. He spoke to me, words that gave me a choice and told me if I chose to marry, all the things I'd been praying about for years would come to pass. I did and they did.

Sixteen years ago Second Daughter's son was born. That same year Mother died at the age of 89.

Twenty-five years ago First Daughter's son was born.

Thirty-four years ago Daddy died.

I could go on, of course. Years pass and they seem like nothing, but when we look back at them, they are forever ago.

What do I have left to do in my life? What's on my bucket list? I can think of one thing that I plan to do in two years--send Second Daughter and her husband to Italy on a Tauck tour. Other than that, I'd be happy to have books published and sold. Mostly I just want to keep living; keep loving life; keep seeing friends and family; meeting new people, loving God and knowing Him better. When I finally die, I'd like for people to say they were glad they knew me. What could be better than that?

I Love This Song

I sent a link to many on my address book asking them to go to one of the blogs I follow. You can access it at Inkhorn Blue just to the right on my blog. She downloaded a great song and I think you will like listening to it over and over. I'm so happy it is God who has the very last say so about everything.

The Hardest Job

Maybe I said it before but I feel compelled to say it again. The hardest job in the world is being a parent. Not only is it the most difficult, it's the most important.

When I was a child, I could play outside after dark, go anywhere in the neighborhood, ride the bus to town and wander all over Polk Street--all without worrying that some crazy man was going to pick me up. I'm sure that happened, but we weren't scared about it. My friend, Anna Lou, and I would fix a lunch and walk about a mile and a half across vacant lots to a cemetery on the outskirts of Amarillo where we'd spend the day. This cemetery had a little bridge that went from the main area and the mill, over to to a small island. I don't know how we spent the day, but we stayed for hours. Then we'd walk home and our parents, knowing where we had been, weren't the least bit worried about us.

My brother was 7 years younger than I was and when Mother went shopping, many times he and I sat in the car--ALONE. Nobody ever noticed.

My girls in the 50s and 60s were able to play outside, ride their bikes to school and around the neighborhood--safely. I don't remember ever leaving them in the car alone until they were teenagers, and that would have been their choice to wait for me--if they went with me at all.

According to TV ads a parent has to have a GPS on their child and can't let them out of their sight. We hear about kids being stolen from their front yards and from a baseball field in plain sight of hundreds of people. I can't imagine the pressure that puts on parents. Not only do parents have to worry about what someone else will do to them, they have to be concerned about what their kids are seeing on TV, on the computer, in school and at their friends' houses. Who can they trust any more? How do they even choose a babysitter? Or do they just stay home unless they have a friend or family member to babysit?

As I've said before, I heard someone say we are putting people out from our high schools and colleges that have no moral compass. How will that affect your kids, parents?

Hard? Worse than hard. Frightening. That's why we have to grab hold of the Saviour and hold on tight. And we have to help our kids come to know Him and His power. Not just a long haired man in a Sunday School story, but a real, living, loving being who wants to have a relationship with them. When my oldest daughter was about 3 she had an imaginary friend. This friend was Dr. Kildaire from a TV program. He was with her all the time--sat in a chair when we ate, when we watched TV, when she went to bed. He wasn't someone far away in Los Angeles. He was her friend and was with her all the time. That's how our kids need to know Jesus. He's not someone far away in the sky that they'll one day meet in Heaven, but someone who lives in their house, in their heart, is with them at school and when they go to bed.

I wish I'd been as "wise" back then as I am now. :) I pray that all the Godly parents I know are teaching their kids to believe that "Jesus loves everyone, but I'm His favorite."

God and the Potty

How many times can I say "Thank you, God, that I'm not 25 or 30 years old and raising kids?" If it takes a million, I'll say it. I have to admit there are times when I get tired of the "getting old" stuff, but it's nothing compared to having to raise children. That's the hardest job of all.

When my girls got close to the age of two, I started the potty training bit. Time smooths out all memories, so all I remember about it was that it worked well. We got rid of the diapers, expect at night for a time, and put on training pants that allowed them to feel the wetness and poop. Learning to go to the bathroom in the potty was the way life worked.

I read my favorite columnist, John Rosemond, this morning. His column was about potty training and how many parents aren't doing it early--which is causing havoc when they get tired of changing their four year-old's diaper. Yuk! Evidently parents today--some parents--are into the "readiness signs." Come on now. How many two or three year-olds know when they're ready? Answer: Very few if any.

When my grandson was nearing two, he wanted to stop using a diaper. One morning when he was about 22 months old, he ran into his mother's room and asked her to take off his diaper so he could go poop. Still half asleep, she said, "Do it in your diaper."
He raised a stink (pardon the pun) and refused. That was the last time he wore a diaper, even at night. He was one of the few who knew he was ready.

God is like a parent. Sometimes we don't want to get out of our diapers, but God knows when the time is right. "Time to stop acting like a baby," He tells us. "Time to grow up." I can't tell you the ways you may have been wanting to stay a baby, but I remember the time when He made me grow up. (Nope. Not going to tell.)

I'm probably still in diapers in some ways, but when the time is right, I trust God will help me out of them. I'm not sure He looks for "readiness" as much as He looks AT us with love and leads us toward the potty to get rid of whatever it is we need to eliminate. Another pun. I'm full of them today. (:

He's Not a Fairy Godmother

"So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore"--an unexpected journey, by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman. This is the title of the book I'm reading now, but the title doesn't really tell what the book is about. The authors aren't writing about not wanting to go inside a building and sit in a service. The journey spoken of challenges the reader to wonder if he is just "going through the motions of Christianity" when what he really wants to do is "mine the depths of what it really means to live deeply in Christ."

We hear this story from Jake's point of view. He meets a man named John who has so much wisdom that he wonders if this could be the apostle of Jesus. At one point in the book Jake is having many problems and questions God's care for him. After all, hasn't he done a lot for God?

John says, "You think suffering is a sign of God's displeasure with you. Didn't Job make that mistake? Suffering often indicates that (in the suffering-my addition) God is setting us free from something so that we can follow and embrace him more deeply. Walking in his life will always mean you are living against the grain. Don't expect your circumstances to conform easily to this journey. They will resist it at every turn. God wants to teach you how to walk with him through these things so that you can know a joy and peace that transcends circumstance."

This part struck me because I sometimes want to fall back into that way of thinking. If I do good, then God will certainly have to reward me for my efforts. Haven't we been taught that in church--in school--in society? In school, effort equals grades, awards, acceptance, popularity. In society, it is special tributes, mention in the newspaper, television interviews, and money. In church--stars or gifts for memorizing our Bible verses, coming to church and working our you-know-what off in various ministries.

When my girls were young, if they attended Sunday School for one full year without missing, they received a gold lapel pin. We were out of town one week end and overslept, missing SS. I hurried around and sat them down with a Bible story. Then I called (believe it or not!) the SS person in charge of keeping the records and asked if that could be counted as SS so my girls could still get their pin. Of course, I got his permission and my girls got their pin. Which, by the way, I bet they have no idea where those pins are now. I don't think the perfect attendance made one whit of difference to them, but it did to me.

John goes on to tell Jake that "the hardest thing you'll learn in this journey is to give up the illusion of controlling your own life or that you can manipulate God to bless you."...... "God is not a fairy godmother who waves the magic wand to make everything the way we want it. You won't get far if you question his love for you whenever he doesn't meet your expectations."

Here's the kicker that Jake has to tell John. "He's your father.---He loves you." He has to tell Jake that through it all, "he will never forsake you." How is it, with Jake being an assistant pastor, he never learned that?

I know for a fact that in my own life God never left me. He's brought me through some pretty rough times--times that should have destroyed me. When it was all over and I looked back, I could hear him say, "See. I never left you. I walked through it with you. I didn't forsake you then, and I won't do it now."

That's real peace. That's real Christianity.

America

We've had our Google page theme as a snowy mountain scene. It's beautiful but every time I look at it, I shiver--so this morning I changed it.

The morning paper's headline is about the huge stimulus (?) package the Democrats pushed through congress. No Republicans voted for it. (Guess we don't have a checks and balance Senate any more.) I made a C in Econ in college and was happy to get that. I only made that grade because the teacher averaged all the grades from all his classes. What I know about econ you could fit in a thimble and have room left over for a quart of milk. Because Pelosi was so animatedly excited about this package, even with my limited knowledge, I feel sure the package isn't going to do much for the economy except further bankrupt the U.S.A.

For that reason my new Google page theme is the American flag.

Seriously folks, I'm not sure we'll make it two years with these spendthrift Dems in control of congress before America turns into third world country.

Sound pessimistic? Sorry. I'll go on to higher things.

We are supposed to teach a small group class on the book of Jonah. I'm seeing something in that book I have never seen before. If you know the story, God told Jonah to go prophesy to Nineveh and tell them that He was going to destroy them unless they repented. (Evidently they were a ruthless, cruel people.) Well, Jonah ran the other way and ended up in a storm on a sinking ship. His crew mates threw him overboard, only because he told them to do it, and the storm immediately ceased. Knowing it was Jonah's God who started and stopped the storm, they all worshipped Him (God)the rest of their lives. Which brings me to the moral of this story. Even when we (the U.S.A.) disobey, God makes good come out of it.

If this is true then all is not lost for our country. There are enough of us around who still revere God and his sovereignty in this world. We can continue to pray and trust that God will turn all this around for His good.

Amen!

Random Thoughts About Hell and Love and Being Skinny

I had a "discussion" (one-sided when I realized this person believed what he believed and I couldn't change his mind, so I stopped talking) last night. Someone suggested at a small meeting we attended that sometimes we need some "Hell and Brimstone" to set us straight. I disagreed saying hell and brimstone doesn't change people. Love does. Then this other man began his harangue assuring me, and all of us in the group, that the Bible is perfectly clear on this subject. "Some would like to believe that God is just about love when in fact He is a just God and sends people to hell." That was just the beginning. He went on a little more saying the same thing. See why I quit talking?

I've had one other "discussion" with him in the past about God healing people today. He doesn't believe it happens although I said I'd seen it and experienced it myself. You just can't change some people's minds with truth, can you? I know something about this person's personal life and wonder if his attitude had something to do with how it's turned out?

As for the hell and brimstone--where in the Bible does it say that's the Good News and we're to spread this gospel?

Now that this is out of my system, if you notice the very small picture on this page, you will see a woman, a man and a baby in front of the wildest wallpaper in known history. That is a picture of myself, my daughter and her father taken in
1958. What I want to know is, where did that dark-haired, skinny woman go? I want her back!!

Recently I read Christopher Kennedy Lawford's autobiography, "Symptoms of Withdrawal." He talks about his uncle Sarge Shriver, married to one of the Kennedy sisters, and said this uncle told him that "everything he wanted and tried hard to get in his life never brought him the happiness or satisfaction he thought it would. All the stuff in his life that came to him freely and unexpectedly brought him meaning and joy. He looked at those things as God given and figures that God knows best what we humans want and need."

I guess I don't need that skinny, dark-haired girl any more. I don't mind the hair being gone, but the skinny.....? I'd like to have that back.

Just one more note. Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you have.
,
I have a body that works and that's good enough for me.

By the way, God has never sent anyone to hell. If hell exists, then that's a person's personal choice. (I just had to get in that last lick!)

Blessing Breaking On My Head

Many years ago I painted. I painted with oils mostly. Then circumstances changed--physically circumstances which gave me no place to paint. I tried to pick up the paints again when physical circumstances allowed the room, but my artistic, creative muse had left me. So I wrote.

I've been writing for several years. Last year circumstances changed once more. Circumstances that have pushed my muse into a corner where she has fallen asleep. I hope her disappearance isn't permanent. I don't know how long muses live when they are ignored and aren't fed. But all that used to feed her has gone into keeping my physical and mental person functioning.

I make no resolutions, but I do have goals. One of my goals for 2009 is to awaken Muse. Thinking this as I awoke this morning, I remembered reading that Peace isn't a state of being. Peace is a Person. That Person lives in and with me. My 2009 goal is to allow this Person to carry those burdens and bring Muse back to life. With this in mind, I came to my computer and read what someone else had written.

God moves in a mysterious way,His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill,He treasures up his bright designs,And works his sovereign will.
You fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
William Cowpernd

Thank you, God, for the clouds--and for the blessings breaking on my head.

God, Family, and Good Health

After ten days of detoxing/sinusitis/coughing/sneezing/blowing---you name it, I finally feel like a human again.

I woke up this morning and decided I'm tired of being sick, tired of feeling puny and tired of looking like it. I washed my hair (I have washed my hair before this), dressed and am ready to greet the family for the holiday.

One of Reid's sons, Joe, his wife Jenny and their daughter Jaiden will fly in from North Carolina on Sunday. Both my daughters, Jo Lynn and Sherri, Sherri's husband John, two grandsons, Cory and Taylor and great granddaughter Amiyah will come Wednesday. While they are all here, we'll be able to get with Dave, Lorraine, Mason, Jade, Reagan, Pierce and Thatcher--the son and his family who live here. What a fun time is ahead!

God, family and good health. That's what life is all about. And this Thanksgiving those are the things I'm thankful for.

God's Answer

A couple of days ago I wrote a blog and in it, I said I had asked God for His opinion about a subject. Yesterday afternoon I received an email from a friend who gets daily emails from www.heartlight.org. Many times she forwards them to me. I think she must have read my blog and that's why she sent this one.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Jeers of the Cruel Condemners

Some of the people there spit at Jesus. They covered Jesus' eyes and hit him with their fists. They said, "Be a prophet and tell us who hit you!" Then the guards led Jesus away and beat him. -- Mark 14:65 (ERV)

KEY THOUGHT: I never cease to be amazed at the thoughtless cruelty that human beings can inflict on each other. No wonder that we human beings needed a Savior who would bear our insults, our violence, our injustice, and our humiliation.

TODAY'S PRAYER: O loving Father, my stomach turns at the inhumanity and senseless violence that permeates the world in which I find myself. Forgive us.. forgive me ... forgive our propensity for returning violence for violence and our willingness to inflict violence even when there is no rational need to do so. Redeem our time and our world through the powerful reminder of your Son, who bore our sins and carried our sorrows while under the most inhuman and violent abuse. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

This is answer enough for me.

Natural or Supernatural?

One of the blogs I read (Inkhorn Blue on my blog list) had a posting that got a lot of comments. The writer told about her experiences with ghosts. One of the respondents wasn't a ghost believer and quoted scriptures to prove these "things" were the devil. Sorry, but I'm so sick of hearing people giving the devil credit for everything we can't explain.

Why do people do bad things? The devil makes them do it.
Why am I tempted although I love God and want to do good? Must be the devil.
Someone I know says the devil is so smart he tailor makes temptations for each one of us.
Give me a break.
Is the devil omniscient and omnipresent?
No, but God is. And if you want to quote scripture, the Word says the devil was destroyed at the cross.
Now, who's bigger? The devil or what Jesus did at the cross?

I don't get on a soap box too often (my friends would probably disagree), but this is one I can live on. Stop talking about the devil. Stop giving him credit and making him out to be stronger than God.

People are inherently sinners. That's why God sent Jesus. Only knowing Him can change a person's heart.

OK. So what are ghosts? I don't know, but I believe we are closer to the spirit world than we realize. After my husband died, I looked for an easel. He had put it away, and I had no idea where he'd put it. I looked all through the house and garage and couldn't find it. Finally, exasperated, I said, "Jim, where did you put the easel?" Immediately a place in the garage came to my mind. I went there and found one of the three parts of the easel. Since Jim had taken it apart, I knew he had stored the other two parts somewhere. I looked some more. Nothing. Again I asked him where the rest of the easel was. Immediately I thought of a place to look and found the cross piece. The chain and the screw was still missing, so excited that I was being led in some way, I asked where the other pieces were. Their hiding place became clear and I found them. Do I believe it was actually Jim? I don't know, but you'll never make me believe this didn't happen. I had a couple of other experiences like this after he died, and I know someone somewhere was helping me and sending me comfort.

When the blogger says she experienced something supernatural, who am I to say, "Oh, no, you didn't. The Bible says it isn't possible." She'll read the Bible and find out for herself, but no one will be able to convince her what she experienced was anything except a ghost. And no one can convince me something supernatural wasn't at play when I found the easel. Let's open our minds and see that in the world God created are things we don't yet understand. Wait! I believe Jesus said He had things He wanted to tell, but couldn't. Maybe that was because of the closed minds of his followers. Sounds kind of like today, doesn't it?

Election Ruminations

We have a new President. He promised change.
His promises aren't new at all.
Take from the rich and give to the poor.
The more evenly distributed the wealth is, the more people are able to participate in the government and the better the economy. (Can you prove that?)
Health care for everyone.
Make everyone like us. (Never going to happen unless we give in to them. Then they'll hate us even more.)
Change is good. (Is it always?)
Change what? (National pride?)
I never thought anything or anyone could make Hillary and Bill look good. (I was wrong.)

To quote P.J. O'Rourke: "If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!"

Our prayers may have been answered and we don't even know it. What better way for God to become important in the lives of people than for the people to go through rough times? I hope it doesn't work that way, of course. A friend wrote a morning-after rumination about his disappointment. He gave me permission to use it here, and I thank him.

Last evening, when I came to the realization that many of the things I have always believed were not so important to the majority of this country's voters, I felt devastation and despair. What's to become of us now?

Didn't do much thinking about God, until this early morning, when I picked up Emmet Fox's book, "The Sermon on the Mount."

The first Beatitude: Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. What was Jesus saying?

To be poor in spirit means to have emptied yourself of all desire to exercise personal self-will, and, what is just as important, to have renounced all preconceived opinions in the whole-hearted search for God. It means to set aside your present habits of thought, your present views and prejudices, your present way of life if necessary; to jettison, in fact, anything and everything that can stand in the way of your finding God.

What I've been doing lately hasn't brought much comfort, so think I will try the Beatitudes. May not help, sure won't hurt, plus, God and I might become buddies again.
Blessings,
Spook

Maybe, after we experience some of the changes coming upon us, God will find a whole nation of buddies. Listen to the song below and sing it to God.

http://worriersanonymous.org/Share/OnlyYou.htm

Journey

From the time we're born until we die, we are on a journey. I wonder if God is on this journey with everyone or just those who want Him to be. I'd like to believe it's the former rather than the latter because there have been times in my life when I felt I was journeying alone. Besides, if He isn't with those who don't know Him, how will they ever find out who He is?

In 1960, when JFK was elected President, I thought the U.S. would surely fall. (I gave up working in politics that year, but have always voted. What little I could do didn't seem to matter in the whole scheme of things.) The same feeling appears to abound with this election--the fear that our nation may not survive as we have known it.

Many years ago I made two lists. On one list were the negative things in my life. On the other--the positives. For every negative I gave a positive. The outcome of this endeavor brought peace to my soul. Life has many negatives, but when we look for them, there are as many positives.

What does this have to do with the election? Who knows God's plans? What I want is for hearts to be turned to Him. I want people to know His favor, to know His love. My prayer has been that whatever happens will turn the hearts of people to God. I believe God is on this journey with America and with the people of this world whether they know it or not.

If I didn't believe this, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to rest again.

If God be for us, who can be against us?

Deep Roots

We went to a movie Saturday afternoon--"Fireproof"--which is execllent. Not one cuss word or naked or dead body. Good acting, much of it done by local Georgians. I can find God in most anything, including a movie, but in this movie I didn't even have to search for Him. The actors used the name of Jesus Christ in the way it's supposed to be used--as the Saviour and the One who changes lives.

While we were in the movie, the west side of Albuquerque had a horrific storm. Wind, rain, hail. A friend told me about a huge tree in her backyard that was uprooted. I've seen that tree and would never have imagined, as large as it was, that it could fall so easily. She said it brought a lesson home to her. As beautiful as it was, and as good as it looked, the tree had shallow roots. The lesson? We can look good on the outside but if our roots aren't deep into God, we can fall as quickly as that tree did.

Our country is in crisis. With businesses failing all around the world, we need to have our roots deep into our faith in God. Years ago I spent an entire year meditating and memorizing Psalm 91. I personalized it: "No evil shall befall me--He shall give His angels charge over me to keep me in all my ways--Because she has known my name, therefore I will deliver her and show her My salvation--"

I have said these words many times since that year. Every time I say them, I believe my roots in Him go deeper. Whatever happens to me--to us--to the country, God never changes, and we can count on His salvation.

Filling the Holes

My mother had a fancy China boot she always had out on a table in our living room. Looking at it transports me back into my past. We had several items--a picture, a China set that included an old-fashioned bathtub, some tea cups and tea pot. I still have the boot and the picture but I wasn't around when Mother garage-saled the other things. It looks perfect--from one angle, but turn it around and you'll see a small chip gone. This missing piece taught me an important lesson.

Many years ago I made some choices that I wish I hadn't made. No excuses though. I made them and paid for them. In some ways I'm still paying. During that period of time someone broke my precious boot. I gathered the pieces and tried to put them back together, but one small piece was never found.

I grieved over that boot--over the loss of that piece. Every time I looked at it, the day it was broken, the choice I made was brought back to me. What I was really grieving for was the lost time, the hurts that came from my choices--and those things still plague me today in a different way.

But just as He is always ready to step in, God opened my eyes. If I could be so bold as to paraphrase what I think He said to me--"Your whole life is imperfect and can't be any other way because you're human. That's why I gave my son. When you look at that boot, just remember it is Jesus who fills the holes in your life."

Now, when I look at the imperfect boot, I see Jesus.

When I die and my belongings are passed on to my daughters, this boot probably won't mean anything to them. Maybe one of them will remember it from Grandma's house and mine, but more than likely, it won't be important enough for them to save it. I think it's time I tell them the story and let them see Jesus, too.

How Long, O Lord?

The theme of my Google page is Hawaii. In the morning on the page is a scene of an early morning view of the ocean. It always brings to my memory the morning my daughters and I went down to the Maui beach and watched for whales. That time of the day was quiet on the beach, not many people out yet. I could have stayed out there for hours and listened to the waves, felt the ocean breeze and marveled at God's nature. As the day goes on, the pictures change on my page. None is as restful as this one. Still, every time I open Google and see something of Hawaii, I remember the week last March when my girls and I were there. In our lives, we'd been through many hard times together, but over the last years, our lives had seemed much smoother for all three of us. Last December changed that. After being together in Maui,we felt everything had smoothed out and was over. We'd lived through it. It was the first time in many years that the three of us had been together--just the three of us. The last time was also at a beach in 1978. Although those months from December of last year until March had been rocky, we believed life had returned to normal. We were wrong. The past months have been even harder. Even now I can't see the way out. I'll think things have settled down, then something else happens. As much as I try to put it out of my mind after praying about it, it never leaves.

I have a niece who is in a rehab hospital due to anorexia. She has a voice in her head that tells her she can't eat. It's put her entire family into a situation none of them has control over. It affects her sisters and brother, her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins--and most of all, it is robbing her of her teen years. We know people who have cancer, some told it is incurable. They know their end. But the ones who love them see that end as a terrible beginning. Others live with hope that their cancer is cured. Still, they live with the after-affects of their treatments.

Who's to say which way of life is harder? In every instance lives are up-ended, interrupted, and painful. People who have no control over a situation are learning they have to live with it. But it's stealing joy, peace, well-being, and even health. I understand David's cries, "How long, Lord? Will you hide yourself forever?" "Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to you. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

When all this began for me last December, in the night I heard His voice--not audibly, but His voice nevertheless. As clearly as anything I've ever heard from Him came words from the 34th Psalm, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." That's all I have to hold on to.