Sunday, May 17, 2009

I Don't Understand Either

I just read the comments to my last blog and am blown away by crazeemommy. She put my own thoughts down for me to read. Yes, God is at work in my life. Yes, He miraculously delivered me from smoking in one moment and I've never wanted another cigarette since. Yes, I've seen how He's healed people--miracle healings. I've heard His voice in my innermost being as well as when I've read the Bible or heard someone say something that struck me to the core. And, like her, I don't understand when those things don't happen all the time.

We have the most wonderful friend who is battling cancer right now. If it was a question about who sinned, she'd be scot-free because she's sweet, thoughtful, spiritual, eats right, loves people, has raised a great family and been a strength to many people. She hasn't done anything except honor God with her life all her
70+ years. Yet here she is fighting disease.

I have some health issues because of choices I made in the past. If God passed out favors and sticks and stones because of what I've done in my life, I'd have a barrel of sticks and stones. Instead I have favors. I don't deserve any of it, but I'm so grateful for my life and so glad he doesn't award us based on our actions.

This morning in church I got an idea for a book about hearing God's voice. I'm not sure whether it will ever be written, but I'm hoping God will give me His words to put on paper so someone, or many someones, will know that He still talks to us. After reading the comments to the last blog, I think this book needs to cover more. I hope I can write it even though I don't have the answers right now. Maybe, if this is a work He is leading me to enter, then He'll give me some. Until then, I'm like crazeemommy and don't understand.


  1. I'd like to read this book when you write it!

    Another book you might enjoy - When God is Silent, by Barbara Brown Taylor. I haven't read it all yet, but it deals with the silence of God. Why is God silent? One reason Brown gives is so that he can avoid our attempts at control. Yes, I have mistaken prayer for manipulation at times!

    I hate to recommend a book before I have read it all, but I have found all of Brown's books to be worth reading.

  2. Barbara and crazeemommy,

    The best book I've read on this subject is The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis.

    I thnk the problem is not how God runs things (tragedy and joy included), but that for some reason, we have grown up with the wrong-headed expectation that a good God would make our lives happy.

    Lewis explains very well why a good life is not the same as a happy or pain-free one.

  3. Thanks to both Warren and Rosslyn for the suggestions. I'll add these books to my "to be read" list.

  4. I wasted too much time, energy and potential early on as well. For some reason, God has blessed me instead of dishing out the sticks and stones I deserve. I don't understand His grace but am so thankful for it. A few posts back I wanted to put into words what your blog means to me. It didn't come out right so I backspaced over it and just said Happy Birthday. This probably won't completely capture it either but here it goes. Your words inspire, reveal, challenge, motivate, witness, uplift and most of all compell me. It's like having the best therapist money can buy available 24/7. Thank you, sincerely thank you for being there for me.

  5. Good suggestion, Rosslyn! I have this book, read part of it years ago, and then haven't touched it. I need to get it off the shelf and plow through it purposely.

  6. I'm so sorry your friend is battling colon cancer. I thought I knew hurt before last summer but I didn't. The hurt you feel when someone you love is fighting that aweful disease, well there's just no words to describe it. I don't know her situation but I received alot of help, support, information and made friends with people who knew exactly where I was online at As you know, I documented most of it on my blog (May, June 2008 posts). Although I put alot of information in there too, I'm not sure it's best to read because it might scare them more than help. My blog was my outlet and I didn't hold back. Also, if she's having radiation and chemo (5-FU) treatments, I could offer suggestions of what worked for us to fight the side effects; mouth sores, taste change (salty or metalic), rectal spasms, pain meds, care of burned areas (aquafor, sitz baths) and more. Maybe it's my quest to understand or make something good of last summer, but I feel the need to use what we went through to help others. If they want, just let me know (call or email, whatever is best)